What Do You Miss?

This morning, over some oatmeal and "do this, put on that" hollering, I had a conversation with T.O. I simply asked him, "How do you like your new school compared with Tina's?" Tina was his at-home daycare provider from 3 months until 4 years old. She did field trips every week, pre-school, they were able to watch cartoons for an hour in the morning, and it was in a HOME. It's definitely different than the tiled, clean, colorful school. I wondered if he missed the comfort of cozily sitting on the floor, watching Blues Clues and Wonder Pets before starting his day. I wondered if he missed getting to go on field trips to the mall "kiddy play" area and the water park with fountains coming up from the ground and going to Bass Pro Shop to see the fish.

His response was this:

"I like it. When we go outside to play, we don't have to crawl through the window anymore."

Huh?

And then I understood. Tina's downstairs 'basement' was completely converted into her daycare facility. We entered through the garage which was obviously ground level, but the other, back-half of the basement was semi-underground. There were windows in the back of the room that looked out into the backyard. If you crawled through the window, you'd be outside in the yard. I took his statement to mean she just let them skip the "going around the house through the gate" part and shoved them out the window.

I nearly laughed. But I didn't...I let him explain himself. And the explanation ended up in this:

"I want to go to Tina's. I like the window."

I believe that, as parents, we should really listen to our children. But I also believe that listening to the first thing they say isn't always the best option. Ask questions that don't lead them, and see where they take you in their story. I believe him when he said he liked his new school. But I also think that the following sentence about not having to climb out the window anymore was simply his comparison. It wasn't that he didn't like the window, he ended up, in his story-telling, admitting he thought it was fun.

Too many times we fail to remember that their train of thought doesn't always flow and shouldn't be interpreted as an adult's more logical thought process . What I try and remember to do is prompt the story telling, but not in a fashion where it'll lead where I THINK he was going. If I'd gone with my initial reaction, my question to him would have been:

"Why in the world is she making you climb out the window?"

This would only make him realize it might have been wrong, (Which, by the way, I do NOT think it was wrong. I think it was actually a smooth move on her part, considering she probably had babies in the house. Using the window allowed her to allow the big kids in the yard where she could watch them and still stay in the house with the babies. Smart move, Tina.) and he would have tried to relay the story to either defend her, or go along with my accusations. Instead, I asked:

"You used the window to go out to play?"

It was neutral enough that he explained about the gate and that they couldn't reach to open it, and also how he liked the window but sometimes it hurt his leg.

So, blog friends, my question to you is "What do you miss?" Two part question, really. What do you miss about your younger days? I miss all day bike riding in the summer time. I miss swinging whenever I want. And second, what do you miss when you talk to children? If you can, refrain from asking leading questions or letting your assumptions prompt questions that would steer them from the path they otherwise might have gone in their story telling. See where THEY lead YOU.

Happy Thursday.