Hand It Over

I will randomly post responses to questions asked for my "Dear Tooj" portion of the blog. Whenever you see a post titled "Hand it Over"...that's a dear tooj letter. I'm calling this blog portion "Hand It Over" because that's what you should do with your problems. Give them up. Release them to someone or something else. If you hang onto them...they'll strangle you. I promise. So...just hand it over. I'm here to help.

Dear Tooj,
I have a three day weekend coming up and no plans. There are a bunch of things I could but I don't feel like doing them (the same-old same-old syndrome). I'm so desperate for company I might even be tempted to babysit for someone. Yesterday I got out an orange cone and pondered what it would look like with a pocket protector and dark eyeglasses.What should I do?
Signed - At a loss

Dear At a loss,

On the one hand, babysitting for someone is the ULTIMATE "to do" plan you could possibly have imagined. I say jump at THAT. There are NEW, endless possibilities that come along with babysitting. Whiplash scooter driving, upside down dangle game, can you bite me first? chase around.....I'm telling you.....TAKE THE GIG.

Or, on a serious Tooj note, here's what I think you should ponder. As I have navigated this life of marital bliss *ahemcoughsneezecough* and motherhood merriment *gagsnortchokelaugh*, one valuable lesson stands out to me. Do NOT underestimate the beauty of being alone. Before anyone goes thinking I don't love my family and wish I could have the single life returned to me in the form of a "SATC" laptop and Manolo B's, I don't. The marital and motherhood life is good. It's got its own set of joys and excitements attached to it. I know that some say their life has become BETTER by becoming a wife and mother. While I do believe that these additions to my existence have HELPED me grow and helped me find new enjoyments in life, I realize that I did NOT enjoy what I had before as much as I should have.

Spending time by yourself brings a particular solitude to your mental state that I did not appreciate when I was ALONE. I should have focused my alone time on individual hobbies and talents. These could have been nurtured and given me a real sense of WHO I could and would be besides just "hanging around being me." Even more important, at least to me, would be developing a sense of ACTION. And what I mean by action is to take the alone time you're blessed with now and use it to really reflect on your experiences, and OTHER people's experiences. Develop a sense of ACTION, a plan of action if you will, for how you would navigate future situations better with the hindsight you're now able to reflect on. You can spend this quality time developing this sense of action and preparing yourself to use it in the future. If you don't have a good plan in place, you can really get yourself caught up in a plan of REACTION.

Life can move so fast when you're faced with other personalities and constant interaction. You can find yourself caught up in only reacting to all the activity around you if you don't have a good sense of action in place. Develop it. Develop who you are and what you want but more importantly....DO NOT BE AFRAID TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT. And don't be afraid of the same old routine if you can help yourself elicit different results when you participate in them.

P.S. If all else fails and you already have all of this down pat....just be thankful you don't have to scrub the toilet for any guests.