Requested Sneak Peek

A few people have inquired about our wedding cake and wedding photos, which is the front and center photo on my blog. At one time, my profile pic was a shot from our wedding, me in my dress walking away from the camera. And then during the Q&A post, I posted a pic of the flowers and the girls' dresses. Oh, and I also posted that shot of Hubs and I kissing, our flowers in the focused part of the pic. I looked into adding a slideshow gadget, however it requires me to use photobucket or some other pic-collecting website and frankly....I don't know how to do that and I don't have the energy to learn. Today, I don't. Tomorrow might be different. For now, I have put a few on this post for your enjoyment. Or amusement. Whichever. :) Forgive the layout, I haven't a clue how to arrange them left/right/center. Again, too lazy to try and figure it out. I also realize that a lot of my faves are black and whites....appropriate, huh?

Long Overdue Apology

Dear Girls from 7th Grade,

I am sorry that I didn’t invite you to my girl/boy birthday party. I am 31 now and all grown up, but I still carry this guilt. I’m sure that you have long since forgotten that you weren’t invited to my party, but I have not. Because we went about the days after the party quite awkwardly and I was too chicken to explain myself, let me do it here. Yes, I know this is a blog that you do not read, that you don’t even know exists, but if by chance you stumble upon this letter…I will feel better.

(You’re probably thinking that an apology shouldn’t be self-serving, but if you’ve seen the “Friends” episode about there being NO unselfish good deeds, then you’ll understand that MY feeling better is just a consequence of the apology. We’ll have to deal with this factor and apologize for it later.)

The party: My mom allowed a girl/boy party that was spent outdoors playing and horsing around. She put a cap on my invitation count. I pleaded for a small amount of wiggle room, but she held firm. I understand this now, but was fairly upset then.

I WANTED to invite you, S. We were friends; I always enjoyed your birthday parties, and felt you were a genuine person with a good heart. I struggled with inviting you, A, for the simple fact that you were self-confident enough even in 7th grade that you’d already established yourself separate from most of my other guests. You walked your own way when the rest of us were trying to stay in line and do as the others were doing.

Because you two were such good friends, and I knew in my heart that A wouldn’t want to come, I didn’t want S to feel awkward during the party. So instead of making it my goal to be a good hostess and entertain the guests who might stand to the side, I just didn’t invite either of you. Had my mother allowed me to squeeze in two more invitations, it would have been you two. No, I take that back. Had she allowed me FOUR more, it would have been you two and then two more fellows. I wanted an even number of girls and boys.

So that’s it. That’s the only reason I didn’t invite you. It sounds so silly now, admitting it, but it was a burden I carried all through junior high and high school. I feared then and still do now that you only saw me as a follower of the popular crowd, another “too cool for you” personality. And what laughs you would share if you stumbled on this blog and saw that I became a homely blogger apologizing online to the open air!!

The few times we’ve bumped into one another, S, I always wanted to blurt this story/explanation/plead of forgiveness to you. But 18 years have passed and I would just feel the silliness wash over me as if I were standing in Niagara Falls. Maybe we can laugh about this at a class reunion? I know, I know…I organized the 10-year reunion we had 2 years ago and we saw one another then, but I’m sure you noticed I was intoxicated to the point where talking to me about anything significant would have been futile. I have already promised to NOT drink at the next reunion, so what do you say we chat about this in….say….3-7 more years, and clear the air? For my peace of mind since I’ve apparently convinced myself I was the victim of junior high girl anxiety and party-cap limits.

Until next time,
Your 7th grade acquaintance

By Golly....

I’ve got it! I have been sitting here at work trying to figure out how to entertain myself, and I finally figured it out.

Chain-linked mind chatter

I hear you now, “Huh?”

I repeat: “Chain-linked mind chatter.”

I work in banking, specifically dealing with funds and clients that trade in the market. With the market being what it is currently, the volume that I experienced when I started has dramatically fallen off. We’re talking walk along the edge of the Grand Canyon teeter totter tip-toe slide off and tumble fall. What’s a girl to do at work for 8 hours? Well, I spend two 20 minute sessions pumping breast milk. Can you hear the squeaking of my manual pump now? It’s a lovely sound, almost as grand as the “foooooooooooooooossssssssssssshhhhhhh” when the milk is finally let down and released into the pump chamber.

Speaking of release, since the Hubs is starting his new job on February 9th, I am in the midst of getting the boys enrolled in a daycare, and contacted the pediatrician to release their “We are healthy enough to suck on toys that other children just did” forms. I fear that Wee One will be so awful at the daycare that they’ll refuse to let him come back after that first week. Seriously. I am worried about this. He might be clingy, not eat, cry during diaper changes, not nap. The list is endless.

Speaking of endless, so is the amount of time I have on my hands while at work. I WANT to be busy. I keep asking if there is anything that I can do for anyone else. I am tempted to ask if I can go help in the department that I know is busy, but I don’t think that would go over very well. It’d be like crossing enemy lines, I think. Or maybe not. Maybe I should do it? I know, I know, Woman Interrupted, I’m sounding indecisive. It’s only because I AM.

Do any of you have quirky people with whom you might work? There is a lady here, she’s about 60, I think. She’s quirky. We had a food day a couple of weeks ago, and she brought cold things. Lettuce, cheese, and stuff for tacos. The building we work in is old, and we can actually open some of the windows. We’re on the 4th floor, which is insignificant to the story, but gives you a proper visual. Instead of walking to the break room and utilizing the great, big refrigerator they provide, she opens her window and hangs the plastic grocery bags out the window and keeps them in place by closing the window down on the handles. This is efficient for her purpose since it’s flipping freezing outside, but just imagine walking on the sidewalk below and then having a head of lettuce fall on you. It’s what I thought about when I watched her do this. That, and “this company would be having a fun day in court if one of those bags were to slip.”

Speaking of court, have any of you actually gone to court to protest a speeding ticket? Not that I get speeding tickets *cough cough*, but if you’ve gone to court, what’s it like? I would probably just pay the fine and be on my merry way IF I were to get speeding tickets *cough cough* but always wondered what the court appearance would be like. Fill me in, if you can.

So that is my chain-linked mind chatter. It’s called think of something, and that thought will run into another thought. And another, until I waste some time. In the meantime, you all keep blogging so that I have something to do at home. It’s not like the 3 kids and Hubs will keep me busy. Or the horrendous piles of laundry that I refuse to do. Or the dishes that may or may NOT be done. Or the dust that is sitting everywhere, piled up as thick as the hair on my legs during winter. Oops, I mean…..never mind. Screw it. That’s exactly what I meant.

Dear Hubs,

Thanks for sitting here and talking to me even if I'd rather blog.
Thanks for sitting and talking with my sisters this weekend. I know they enjoy it. They find you insightful. I giggle.
Thanks for taking 11 year old to the library, even if you are wearing a shirt that has baby goop all over the shoulders and sleeves. It's cute.
Thanks for going to get the milk tonight, we needed it and I love it.
Thanks for telling me you liked the tacos tonight. I enjoy making them for you.
Thanks for wearing the watch I gave you, and for actually liking it.
Thanks for laughing when I called you a dumba$$ last night. I am sorry I didn't bite my tongue, even if I thought you were being dumb. :)
Thanks for watching our children. They love you. So much. I get jealous.

Have a wonderful evening.
Love,
Your Wife

Board Game Gone Blog

My family loves board games. We're nerds like that. Trivial Pursuit comes out at nearly every gathering of my father's side of the family, arguments inevitably break out, men against women, and then occasionally the babies get smacked by flying pieces. Okay, that doesn't happen but the potential is there. I thought I would bring some of the fun to you guys and it'll be a fun little question and answer session for us all. But without the serious.

This is the game of Things. It's easy. I ask, you answer. I look forward to your thoughts, and have shared my answers with you already. Have fun and be silly!

1. Things you shouldn't do with glue

Adhere your child's hands to their pants with superglue to teach them about "keeping their hands to themselves"

2. Things you shouldn't touch

The cute guy's behind at work

3. Things you'd like to do with chocolate

Swim in it

4. Things you shouldn't attempt at your age

Cartwheels and backhand springs (especially if you've not attempted any for nearly a decade)

5. Things that should have an expiration date

Boobs

6. Things you shouldn't do when you are naked

Cartwheels and backhand springs (I'm tellin' ya....bad news)

Here is a quick cut and paste template to help you get your answers started:

Glue -
Touch -
Chocolate -
Age -
Expiration date -
Naked -

Have fun!

Congested x TWO

Poor little Wee One is having some trouble. He's got some phlegm stuck in his body and sounds like an old man when he breathes at times. BUT....he's got another kind of congestion. Some stuff is stuck up in him and won't come out. In fact, last night, Hubs was going to change him before going to bed and the poor little Wee One had one just sitting there...halfway in, halfway out. Just crying.....I'd never felt so sorry for him. Hard little turds, they were.

Mama massaged it out, and he felt better and went onto sleep. He did pass another hard little turd this morning, but at least it didn't get stuck. I forced apple/prune juice down him for a couple of swallows, so we'll see how that goes to work.

I know it's what you've always wanted to read about on an early Sunday morning, but I felt the need to share. Who else could I talk sh*t with if not for my blogging world? Besides the fact that I plan on calling my mother this morning to tell her what was wrong with him yesterday, and texting my sisters. Oh, and I'll probably all my girlfriend to explain to her the half-in/half-out thing. She likes being given reasons NOT to have children.

Q&A - The Medium Way

Here is the second installment of the questions. I should get them all wrapped up this time around, but I named the post "medium" (first one was hard) just in case I need to take a third,"easy" way. Doesn't make sense? Well, I named the first "the hard way" because getting questions was taking some time, thus "the hard way".....okay, I'll stop explaining. I might be tired.



6. What is a day in the life like for you?
Asked by Tabitha


Right now, with Hubs at home with the kids, I've had a break from any daycare duties. It will be changing very soon, and I am not at all prepared to get two children ready for "school" each morning. I mean, I blog at night, so I can't pack their bags...and I check my blog in the morning while I get myself ready, so I can't do it then. What will I do?

Anyway...back to the question. I wake between 5am and 5:30 to feed Wee One and then I get ready for work. I leave the house by 7:15 (will have to change to 6:45 in 2 weeks) and commute 20 miles to downtown, park two blocks away from my job and hoof it in. For all the people that work in that office, I ride up in the elevator alone a LOT. Weird. That's always felt weird to me. I get to my desk by 8am and drill away at the tasks at hand. I've mentioned in a previous post that I don't have specific duties, I am considered a "specialist" for my department, so that means I float and cover, learn and assist. Right now, I am in a learning phase, so I am sitting with a gal and yawning...a LOT. I like to eat lunch alone, to either read or walk around downtown. At the end of the day I commute back home, and pull the car in the garage. I love this part of my day because my "men" are usually waiting for me at the garage door or at the top of the stairs. They come down and hold the door open for me, offer to carry my stuff, the 4 year old hugs me and Dad hands over Wee One, who is typically grinning at first and then staring at my boobs. Weaning will be so much fun. Stay tuned for THAT. So I carry him off to the back to eat, change into comfy stuff, and either eat what Hubs has cooked or whip up dinner. Maybe bathe the two little ones, ensure 11 year old's homework is done, let them play, do family group play sometimes....I rock Wee One to bed, and then put 4 year old to bed and then I read your blogs. :) (Somehow dishes and laundry get done in the middle of these activities...or not.)



7. If you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Asked by Amy

Beach. Sand. Sun. 85 degrees +++. The beach has to be beautiful, the sand warm and clean, the sun...well, without "sunglasses" called clouds. Aaahhh.

8. If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would you do?
Asked by Amy

I wouldn't tell. Anyone. Maybe not even Hubs. I would just sit for that day and feel the relief wash over me. Now if you're asking what I'd do with the money......once the C*A*S*H was securely placed in my account (no spending beforehand), I'd:
1. pay off my car
2. pay off my student loan
3. pay off outstanding credit card
4. do these three things for my husband
5. take a trip to "said beach" listed under question 7.

9. Favorite actress / actor and why?
Asked by Amy

I didn't have an answer immediately come to mind when I read this question, nor is anything coming to my mind now. I am not a huge movie buff, I watch for easy enjoyment, but don't follow anyone in particular. If we are talking television, however, I love Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) from the Fox show "House". I think he's rad. And I don't use the word rad. He's sly and smooth and so darn sarcastic. LOVE it.

10. Name a time in your life where you came to a fork in the road and wished you'd taken a different path.
Asked by Jessica

I could go the easy route and say when I met and decided to date my husband (he's sitting here and I'm reading aloud), or I could go with the "when I chose my major" (see question 5) since it IS a legitimate answer to this question. Right now, my state of mind is to say I'll answer this question in a full post because it's started me thinking. Her 'want an easier question' was "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?" This isn't easy either...I never seem to have favorites! What's wrong with me? A psychologist on board? Help? I prefer vanilla only with some sort of chocolate on or in it.....mint chocolate chip...cookie dough is good....but I'm not a huge ice cream eater. Seriously, what's wrong with me?

A Quickie - political

There has been a lot of discussion surrounding this new President we have, his race, its meaning and impact, and the unfiltered excitement that IS this change for our country. I can understand the many points of view that are expressed, but I'd like to add my two cents and be done with it. I do, however, want to explain for my peace of mind and for my family, what it means to me. These are actually cut and paste jobs from comments I left on a fellow blog. The flow may not be great, but I didn't want to re-arrange it to make it one, coherent post. I just wanted the raw type.

I used to feel as you did, because I didn't FEEL negatively towards others of a different skin color, I couldn't see why they'd make a big deal about it. But when I meet men and women who experienced the separateness that this country forced on them, I saw things from a different perspective. To say that this MAN is more important would be false, but to disclaim this MOMENT in history as of equal importance is to deny the American people the opportunity to celebrate an accomplishment as a majority.

Hey, just one more note I was thinking about today, if I may. I do understand not emphasizing skin color and trying to see one another as human, period. Ideally, this would be great. But I do think that it's important and special to us as Americans to be able to SEE the differences in one another, the struggles and paths our DIFFERENT ancestral lines have taken to get us here, as friends of different skin tones, to be able to SEE the color of our skin and understand one another despite. The syndicated radio host, Michael Baisden, started a website/forum that is called "I SEE COLOR" because it really is silly for us to say "I don't see you as a Black man". We DO see it, but what I think this presidency does for us all is give us the opportunity to actually SEE one another's history, understand it, accept AND celebrate it. It will teach our children to celebrate the accomplishments of those who ARE different, who have lived a different life, who aren't "just like us" because no matter how many times we tell them "they're just like you, honey"....they're going to grow up and become aware that we're not all the same. Accepting the differences instead of pretending we're the same is important, too, I think. It gives them a chance to see different as positive, as opposed to negative. I fear by saying "they're just like you and me, except born with darker/lighter skin"...they will become grown but unaware that their dark-skinned or light-skinned friends experience life differently. Because for as much as we teach love, there are still those who teach hate. Our children need to see their friends might experience life differently, and be ready to aid in supporting their different circumstances.

Q & A: The Hard Way

I might have had to beg for a few extra questions and Amy, who gave me the idea to do this, supplied three of them, but you just learned something about me without asking the question "Do you feel the need to beg for anything?" The answer was yes. I wanted ten questions, I begged, I got. Yea for shameless. I realized as I typed out my answers, however, that I am long-winded. How do you read my stuff, seriously? I have posted five questions tonight, and will do the following set tomorrow. Thanks for playing.

1. If you could be a candy bar what would you be and why?

Asked by The Rambler

Hersey's Milk Chocolate. It's plain and simple, predictable, but classic. It's smooth and comforting. No nutty, sticky complications to me.

2. What were the colors of your wedding and what flavor was the wedding cake (main blog picture)?

Asked by Janah

I will preface this by saying I was never a typical girl. I never imagined my wedding, not until we knew we were getting married, ring in place, and all. Even then, it became plans, not "dreams". I never pictured a dress or a place or a dance or the cake...I'm not a dreamer. (Maybe this answers a lot of questions I have for MYSELF.) Anyhow...neither here nor there. I wanted simple and understated all around. My girls wore black, the flowers were orange, yellow, and white. The cake....Mmmm.....we had white, chocolate, (appropriately) and red velvet choices with a champagne creme filling. I was able to sit and eat a piece, all alone at a table, during the last hour of our reception. Heaven.

3. How did the Hubs ask you to marry him?

Asked by Anji

We came about our life a bit unconventionally. We lived together in an apartment, got pregnant (I don't know HOW, honest), bought a house, had the kid, moved in his older son, and THEN discussed marriage. We knew we were headed there, but I am certain with all that I know we would NOT have ended there if we went the conventional "court - engage - marry - move in" route. We had to go through trials to understand what marriage was going to be for US. With that said, we were home, kids in bed, and I was tucked in for the night. He was studying and brought his book back to me to "help him" understand a passage. I DID NOT WANT TO. I admit it, I was grouchy. He never asked for my help, so I was like "seriously? you want what? get out of my face." So he left the room, I curled up and closed my eyes, and then I felt something nudge my nose. I turned to see what he wanted NOW, and as I opened my eyes, the ring was there. And after all we'd gone through, he said he was still worried I'd say no. :)

4. What is your first memory as a child?

Asked by Janna

I vaguely recall "eating" a mudpie in my sandbox as a toddler. I more vividly remember shutting my leg in the car door when I was around 5 or 6. Neither incident worth recalling, so thanks...Janna...for dredging up unpleasant memories.

5. What do you do and what is the dream job you wish you could do?

Asked by Woman Interrupted

I work in banking, behind the scenes with all the things that go on with mutual funds. Terribly boring. If you understand the industry and lingo, I specifically work on the custodial side. If you don't understand, you're missing NOTHING. I was in college with no idea what I was doing, didn't understand majors, didn't understand the FASFA forms, barely got through with no guidance and no sense to ask for some help. I was good at math and logic and was extremely detail-oriented, so Business became the stand-by. I should have followed what I always pretended to be when I was a child. A teacher. I started pursuing a Masters degree in Education a year ago, but got knocked up with Wee One, Hubs got laid off, he needed to finish his degree anyhow, and so the story goes. If the economy continues spiraling down, I might end up taking out loans and living on them to go ahead and pursue the teaching gig. We'll see what the days have in store.

Moms Rock, and so do I

I am sticking to my guns and not posting a "real post" on here until I get ten questions. I don't think I'm there yet...sadly. :( Maybe I need to post some really awful college stories about myself to get you guys thinking of questions I'd rather not answer. No wait, I'm trying NOT to humiliate myself here on this blog.

For now, I would like to share some recognition I received from my blogging friend Heather. She created her own recog button for Mothers. When she first posted about it, I told her that I thought it was ironic SHE was creating this because I always felt, when I read her blog, she was a TERRIFIC mother, one whom I wished to mimic. Her patience, her careful consideration of her kids, and the picture of her kissing her son always had me feeling guilty for having just punished one of mine. For HER to think I'm a rocking Mom....well....I feel honored. Sincerely, I do. Thank you, Heather.

I would like to share with you what my children are probably thinking about this recognition, however. I do think it's only fair to give them a say. Diplomacy first, in this household (yeah, right). Keep in mind that this was taken in the car, on the highway, and I couldn't actually record HIM. Whenever he spies the camera, he stops whatever it is that he's doing. He's bad like that.

Drum Roll Please.....

Without fanfare or warning, I have reached my 100th post. I realized I spent my entire first one hundred on whatever I wanted to say, whatever I was thinking about, and whatever I experienced. So I decided not to break with that theme. I mean, really....why change a good thing?

In seriousness, (for two sentences), I have LOVED this blogging experience. I can't wait to get home and see what my new bloggy friends might have said in reaction to my silly posts, and I can't wait to visit their new stories. I am excited to see that I have 8 known followers and I think some come back for frequent visits. I'm not sure if that's from anonymous following or because I comment on theirs all the time and they feel obligated. I usually dislike making people feel obligated, but I'll let this one slide...

Without further chatter from my tired brain, this is what I'd like to do for my 100th post. I'd like to extend the offer to anyone who stops by to read my blog to pose a question for me. I visited Amy's blog today and read her Q&A sessions, and loved the idea. I found it fitting for my 100th that you have control and turn around and ask me anything you fancy. I've written about or touched on:

Religionish thoughts
Race Relations
Donuts - don't judge
Understanding my logic

These are just four of the one hundred posts I've accomplished, but feel free to browse my historical ones further and see if I don't prod you into a question or two. And the questions can range - serious or silly, about me or my family, work or play, left boob or right (you'd have to check into this post to understand my obsession with boobs), pens or pencils....I don't care.

I just thought, we share what WE want on these blogs, but as people continue to read our thoughts, maybe they've come up with questions they'd like to ask?? I know I do about the blogs I follow. Feel free to submit your question or QUESTIONS in the comments section for this post, or you can anonymously submit them through my special, blog-only email I've set up. It is off to the side, but for convenience, here it is again lazy bums.

toojmama@gmail.com

I will publish a Q&A post once I have received ten questions. I'm aiming low because I only have 8 known followers. I mean, for Pete's sake, my sisters manage a family blog on Google blogger and they don't even read my blog regularly! How can I expect you people to do so?

Off My Chest - Pheeeeeeeewwwwwww

I have been burdened with worry about an extended family member, and been concerned about their situation for the past year. Some news was possibly going to come to a head around Wednesday this week. On Tuesday at work, I had just finished pumping in the lactation room they provide, and as I screwed on the lid and zipped the bag, I closed my eyes and prayed. I didn't know what to say, I don't know any "consistent phrases" to recite for prayer purposes, but I prayed anyway. I admitted that I didn't know what I was doing, that I didn't know what I believed, but if there was ever a time for something to give, it was now. I needed to KNOW that he cared about this specific situation, that he cared enough to ensure what SHOULD happen would happen. Or at least that he provide me with a sign that I was heard by him and that he would help me believe. By reaching out to this idea, the idea that he existed to aide me in my life here on Earth...I was asking for the sign now.

This situation has strained me, stretched and drained me. My brain warps around it in so many different twists that I cannot bear to think about things at home sometimes. I worry.

About an hour after I left this room and had settled back at my desk, I received a phone call. It was about this situation and that the possibly enlightening news that we might have learned wasn't going to happen, but the news that replaced it was good, and encouraging. It delays my worry which will remain. However it released part of the overwhelming strain I'd been feeling. I felt a glimmer, too, that what I'd done in that lactation room, what I'd said....just might have been heard. I know that by praying on Tuesday for something on Wednesday doesn't make it a miracle, per se, at least not for me as a skeptic, because if any news was going to surface, it'd probably have been on Tuesday. LOL BUT....the glimmer of hope was started, I think.

Other Random Thoughts

I think I'm into lists lately. I don't know why. It's just easier to list the things that are on my mind and keep the comments concise.

Family update: Thursday Threesome sort of happened. Wee One was a butt, so it made it difficult.

I wish I had great stories for you, like the ones I read about on certain blogs. For instance, here I read about a great virginity-losing experience, and then here is another. I suppose I could spin my situation into a great story, but it would involve low-blows and the guilt I suppressed at having become "active" without any real protection when I knew better. And well....I don't feel like succumbing to that realization. At least not tonight. Give me a chance tomorrow when I'm bored at work and feel like equalizing my guilt with the pity I now feel for this "partner" of mine.

I could also give you a story about pets like the one I read here, but.....we don't have any. And the closest I ever came to getting one fizzled along with any hope the economy would bounce back and be quick to give my newly graduated husband a job. BUT...he does have A job...now we're working on ANOTHER job. I still think he should do radio. If I say so myself, he's flipping hilarious. (Most days I'd drop the F bomb, but I really have to stop swearing. It has gotten out of control some days. I was dropping anything and everything whenever and wherever. I blame it on the two fellas I worked with at my previous job).

So now I will leave you with one little giggle from our day. Dad brought T the 4 year old into our bedroom to do some explaining about a certain behavior. I don't even recall what the "lecture" was about because of this exchange:

Dad: "Blah blah blah blah blah...."

Mom: "T, are you listening to Dad? He's telling you something and you need to listen."

Dad: "T, did you listen to what I told you?"

T: "Ummm...No, I don't remember. Everything - all the things you say - only go up to God."

Dad: walks out

So, to wrap up.....all lectures for the children are actually filtered through God, contrary to what doctors tell us about their ears. If they ask you to pay for the newborn screenings...just say "I'll pass. God will hear us."

Jumbled

I feel like I'm having blogger block. But I fear it's not for lack of ideas, but rather lack of organization about what message, exactly, I want to express. For now, I will simply list the topics that floated around today in my very bored, very sleepy brain. After I do this, maybe I won't be so compelled to write about these, because frankly....I'm not certain I want to elaborate on any of them.

1. Religion and praying. What it means for others. What it might mean in my life. What it feels like. I often imagine that this question specifically is like the age-old query "when do you know it's the right one?" And everyone's answer is always the same, predictable spew: "You'll just KNOW." Or even better, the "You won't know, just take a leap of faith."

2. Nursing bras. I know I posted about nipples yesterday, but obviously I'm not over the topic. I warned it, it's always on my brain. But the bras are especially bothersome because I'm sick to death of having a trap door to my boob. And seriously, can I get some under wire?

3. Spousal struggles. It seems that in my house, chores often get divided, but the blame game is still the same. It always boils down to the fact that I said I'd take over X chore because I detest the way they do it, but then never take the time to complete SAID chore X. Sue me. I'm a woman. I get to change my mind.

4. We actually started AND completed our daily family gathering session. It was Workbook Wednesday, but I tweaked it a bit and made it "write on a piece of notebook paper" Wednesday. 4 year old had to come up with a legitimate sentence and write it/sound it out and figure out a spelling for each word. 11 year old had to write a paragraph (with an opening sentence, 5 body sentences, and a closer) explaining what he wanted to do when he grew up. 4 year old came up with this:

"Mom is cooking dinner." His looked like this:
"Mom is cooKinG dinr." It was phonetic. I can't argue.

11 year old read us his paragraph about why he wanted to become a video game creator. It was good, and he actually put more thought into this writing assignment than I've seen on some homework. I was happy.

5. I want my sons to attend this certain pre-school/daycare. It's expensive, at least by our meager standards. My husband says we'll find a way to get it worked out, but what I really want is a good at-home job I could do sitting here typing. I could do admin stuff, editing, publications, data entry, anything. I just don't know of a single legitimate opportunity that would bring in more money. What I really think would be FANTASTIC is if Hubs and I could do a radio show in the evenings together. I know, it sounds wacky, but he's got a great personality for radio, and I'd just be his sidekick to tell him when he was wrong for the advice he'd give to callers.

These have been my more pressing thoughts. They are taking up a LOT of my time and energy. Maybe tomorrow I'll have time to squeeze in Wee One. He's such a turd. Speaking of....I'm off to open the trap door.....

Can't....Escape....

I have spent an inordinate amount of time over this past year talking about boobs and nipples. And let me just say I never thought I’d be part of this “no shame” group, but apparently I am.

On Sunday, I met up with a group of friends, both male and female. These friends are special to me. We go back to elementary school - days of recess and kicking shins, “boyfriend” stealing, and prank phone calls. We go back to high school and hours of endless running on the cross country team, bus rides, basketball games, first real boyfriends and girlfriends. One of these friends is my best girlfriend, another girl is someone I’d consider a kindred spirit if I ever actually used the term kindred spirit. The other three are males and there is a fourth male that lives too far away to make these gatherings. But these four males were buddies from before elementary school I believe, growing up together in the cub and boy scouts, surrounded with very active, involved, and loving parents who were all very like-minded people. Our group, as a whole, was very naïve, straight-laced, goodie-goodies who got good grades, didn’t drink (or smoke, obviously, since we were runners and wouldn’t fathom jeopardizing team results), played by the rules, but were also JUST savvy enough to not be labeled as dorks. One of the guys was THE GUY that everyone loved to have as a friend. I couldn’t tell you the number of weddings he’s been invited to or been a part of, or how many girls crushed on him during his four years in high school. Another guy was witty enough to draw just about anyone into his little meanderings in his mind, and make you feel less weird for the thoughts you might possess. He became my senior year roomie in college. LOVE HIM.

I was in the middle of everything, and therefore felt no real pull or connection to any group. This group that I lunched with on Sunday has been the one that stuck, so I guess the pull was greatest here. As a perfectionist who cried at B grades, I was a nerd. As a girl who loved gymnastics and therefore naturally joined cheerleading, I was a ditz. As a girl who was talked into cross country by my mother freshman year, I became a freak who liked to hurt myself. As a lover of the “round ball”, I joined basketball as starting point guard and became accepted into the “cool jock crowd” which then flowed into track season. But once cheer camp ended in the summer, I left ditzville for pain-loving, sing-while-you-run nerd, which then switched back to ditzville while dabbling with cool jocks (all in the same night, at times), and at the end of each day…I’d go home and be perfectionist homework geek who cried when she didn’t understand her assignment and was too exhausted to try.

So now that you have that background on me and this particular group of friends…how does that get us back to the boobs and nipples?? Easy. I was sitting there at lunch and one of the guys mentioned something along the lines of somebody being scantily clothed (or I’m imagining that he brought up this subject because it makes me feel better that I didn’t just blurt out the following) and I said:

“Nipples are NOT fun.”

Mind you, the three males had their spouses there and are without children so far. My best girlfriend had her boyfriend there, and they’re thinking along the lines of NEVER having children, and then there was kindred spirit. She laughed. She understood. Everyone else’s eyes got big, I hung my head, nodded, and repeated:

“They are NOT fun.”

I have become so far removed from the thought of my chest as anything fun for my husband. He hasn’t forgotten. But now…I see the finish line. I have less than two months of breastfeeding and then…..my boobs will come back to ME! A little less bounce, a little more droop, but MINE nonetheless. As you can see, this rambling post had absolutely no direction whatsoever and no bridges to get you from boobs to elementary school and back again, but if you read hard enough, the connection was there. Somewhere. AND….lucky for you, I plan on rambling on later about that college roomie, the skin-kicking, boyfriend stealing, and THE GUY who was everyone’s friend.

Ride 'em Cowboy

Wee One "O" got a rocky horse for Christmas. Here is a picture of him on it...and here is a video of him using it. Outside while he watched 4 year old "T" and Dad play during the day. Except Dad paused to record, because obviously, that's not my voice. Please also note the attire that "O" has on. Under the jeans...are...yes...footie pajamas. That shirt? That shirt is "T"'s and the hat, some might recognize, as a hand-me-down from "T" as well. I posted a picture with him wearing it previously this month.

Perfect Answer

I am at work right now. I attempted to never log into my blog while at work, and for awhile this was very easy. I was new, sitting with other people, learning, and then staying swamped once I was given some responsibility. Suddenly, things at work slooooowed down. We’re not talking creep along the highway during rush hour Kansas City, we’re talking walk faster than the cars during rush hour Los Angeles slow. And I don’t even really have “minimal” duties to perform.

You see, I was hired in as a “specialist” for this particular department (and yes, this did indeed make me feel special for five minutes), but with this specialist title also comes non-specific duties. There are eight desks in this department and each person sitting at these desks has a function daily. There are two more desks who supervise these eight. They have some daily functions like approvals and whatnot. Then there is me. I am supposed to learn all the desks and be able to pitch in where needed, and work on special projects when they arise. I’m equivalent to the supervisors, but have no direct reports. And when the days are slow and not much work is filtering in, no one needs my help. Not even the little cockroach that slept under the desks. (Seriously, someone found a cockroach. But he’s dead now. Sorry.)

This long explanation about my job was supposed to be a lead-in for what I really wanted to talk about today – husbands, and our volatile relationships with them. I think I realized the problem. I have been pondering this topic for some time now because I chose to bicker with mine this morning. Well, no…his attitude picked a fight with ME. I had simply called to say I love you. Honest.

As I dialed him from the road - (I’m great at talking on the phone and driving – I can be on the phone WHILE flipping off the people who tail me too closely WHILE blocking in the guy who zoomed up to get around but did it so recklessly it made me think twice about being kind and letting him in) – so anyway, I dialed him from the road just to say I love you, and his voice was grumpy. Very grumpy. So I proceeded to say “why does something always have to be wrong with you?” That was my way of saying “Have a great morning, honey!” He should have known that, but he ignored me and jumped into what was bothering him (11 year old decided to have attitude this morning when he woke up and combined with Hub’s attitude, it wasn’t pretty, I’m sure). I was annoyed that he got so annoyed that 11 year old was annoyed at having been woken up late (seriously?), and it’s annoyed me all day.

Pondering this problem has continued to be a nuisance for me all day (it always works that way if I’m bothered by a problem at home when I’m headed to work). But I realized sitting here that sometimes I think – maybe it IS me. I mean….if I hadn’t snapped at him for snapping at 11 year old, maybe Hubs and I would be speaking more pleasantly today. Is it me? Then I realize NO. It can’t be me. I’m perfect. I mean, how many times have people reassured my insecurities and said “you’re perfect just the way you are”? At some point, it’s gotta take. Today will be the day. Now I have to figure out a way to start a fight tonight so I can explain to Hubs that fights will no longer be needed…I’ve found the answer.

Chit Chat Chalkboard - Update

The Family Plan for weekly activities won't officially start until next week. We had slight bumps in the road. I organized ideas on Tuesday, and then my sister was here yesterday evening because she had watched the kiddos for a few hours this afternoon. With her here, we allowed free reign of Wii play.....but thank you for the comments - they alone act as encouragement for me to keep up with it!

I've started gathering materials and am getting poised to fatten up these boys' brains! :) More wrinkles means more "learnin"...right?

I know bloggy world can get a bit slow over the weekend, so if I don't hear from or comment to some of you peeps - HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTERS!!!

You two are becoming lovely young ladies and I enjoy you both very much. Happy 23rd Birthdays!

Love, Us up here in BS

Choosing Chit Chat Chalkboard

We need more family together time. I have gotten complacent as a Mom, and I take full responsibility. I work full time out of the house, and tend to be tired after a day on the job. The commute stinks (not compared to LA or NYC, but who asked them anyway? Sorry Jessica and Marinka!) and it wears me out.

BUT...I recognized the error of my ways and my addiction to this blog and a chat forum that I snagged onto. And even though I realized it at the beginning of the year and want to change it at the beginning of the year, I am NOT calling this a resolution. I am calling it a lifestyle change.

I brainstormed today about what we could do. And I decided that each day will include thirty minutes, 7pm to 7:30pm, and each thirty minute session will be focused on aspects of education, but in a fun and lighthearted way. It will include chit chat among one another, but there will also be learning going on. Each kid will get specific, age-appropriate "work" to do, and it will all be in conversational form. Here I have described what each day will involve.

MANIC MATHY MONDAY

Wee One will get blocks and we'll work on counting out loud. We will work on teaching him to stack, and probably sing this little piggy. It seems to fit. 4 year old will begin doing flashcards with addition and subtraction and we'll quiz him on multiplication tables. Just kidding. That's for 11 year old. He needs to have these down pat. Each session will grow in difficulty as they master steps.

TUESDAY TRIVIA

Simple things that they should know. Wee One will be quizzed on how to chew on the diaper while I wipe his bottom. 4 year old will have first, middle and last names drilled in, along with phone numbers, addresses, and then we'll branch to geography. 11 year old received some presidential and state flashcards for xmas, and we'll work on those to begin.

WEDNESDAY WORKBOOK

You know the little workbooks you can pick up for different grade levels, with fun little learning activities? These will be used. There might not be any good ones for 11 year old, so I'll find some interesting lessons on the computer for him. Logic problems or something.

THURSDAY THREESOME

Minds outta the gutters. We're still talking about the kids. Three boys. This day they will be required to play all together and get along for the entire half hour. Shouldn't be too hard, but it still forces them to do together-time.

FABULOUS FRIDAY FUN

This is fun day - game day, board games, or Wii, whatever we decide on. It's family fun, just as I stated.

SPORTY SATURDAY

Yes, I'm one of those moms that will force her children to do sports. Sorry. It's important, it teaches lots of lessons and all that other stuff. Maybe I'll do a post about it later, I think it's THAT important.

STAY SANE AND SOLO SUNDAY

Everyone is entitled to ask for alone time, and it can exceed the half hour time frame. If a brother is bothered by another brother....they can be granted alone time, door shut, keep him away, time for ME. Maybe this day was created for Mom and Dad too. :) We have to grant one another a time for peace on Sunday.

We'll see how it goes. We'll see if I can sustain the nightly regimen. It's asking a LOT, but we'll try. It starts tomorrow on Wednesday Workbook. Maybe my workbook exercise can involve the one resolution I made for myself, which is still a secret between me and ME. Hmmm....my lesson might be harder to accomplish than the boys learning long division.

On the "Offensive"

It's nearing time for bed in my home. I have 4 year old (whom I will from now on call TO) in the bathroom. I've already had him use the toilet and we're working on brushing his teeth. Because I have an addiction, I left him to scrub his teeth (a.k.a. play with the magic battery-operated twirly brush he got for Christmas) and snuck to the computer to "check something".

He, of course, followed me out here and so I chased him back to the bathroom and he commenced giggling, foaming at the mouth. I pretended to tickle without touching him and he giggled some more. And then I went for the jugular and started tickling his belly. He proceeded to empty his mouth of foam, and....

...all of a sudden, during my great mommy tickle....I hear....

"Ewwwwwww! Ewwwwww! I smell something! Something stinks! Ewwww!"

I'm like...Oh no...is my breath THAT awful right now?....did I let a toot escape during his obligatory nose breathing session?....what did I DO?

"I smell Daddy's ARMPITS!"

Huh?

And then I get to laugh. REALLY laugh, which I haven't done in a bit. It felt so good.

There on the bathroom counter I plucked this:

The stinky armpit scrubbing culprit. Daddy was in a rush to go get 11 year old from his mother's house and while changing his shirt, decided his pits stunk. So he scrubbed them quickly.

And left the nastiness on the counter in his haste out the door.

I will never pretend that my husband is a clean freak or conscientious about what he does and what he leaves behind. God love him, and so will I....but tonight....he stinks.

Itchin' for an Answer

I don't really want an answer to anything in particular, but I just feel like questioning. So I went in search of some questions. Feel free to answer whatever or whichever you like. I would love to read what you think and get to know some of you a bit more. I have answered the questions as well.

1. Did you believe in Santa when you were little? When did or has the fantasy ended yet?

I did. And I remember the moment I cried to my mom because my older brother ruined the secret for me. I was 6 years old and crushed.

2. When have you come closest to meeting the devil?

I can't say I ever felt the devil present, but I certainly know there were moments in my "youth" (college/post college years) when I was dangling somewhere and just felt that it wasn't where I should be. I definitely had a couple of moments of clarity around age 22, and another around 24. I moved when I was 22 and avoided those temptations, and I was on the brink of SOMEthing at 24 when I met my husband and he opened my eyes.

3. What is the best meal you have ever eaten?

For me, it wasn't necessarily the TASTIEST...although it was delicious. My husband and I just closed on our house (we weren't married at this point) and with the tiny bit of cash we had left over from paying closing costs, we went out and had steak at my favorite steak restaurant. That moment it was just the two of us, and we knew it meant we were in it for the long haul. It was terrifying, but sitting together made it the most memorable moment I can recall.

4. Where is the furthest destination to which you have travelled?

I went to Japan with my mother and husband (b/f at the time, again). We went to visit my older brother (the very same one who ratted out Santa) and my sister in law. He met her when he was stationed there in the Navy, and enjoyed the culture so much that he moved back there with her and lived as a civilian for five years. They showed us Tokyo and a resort in the countryside with hot springs. It was an experience I will never forget.

Terrible Officiating

I am in a goofy mood, and I don't really have much to say. But since it's Friday, I feel the need to speak. Why, you ask? I don't know...Fridays are the day for chatter, I think. My brother decided to come over and play some Wii with my husband so I asked them for a topic I could blog about. The answer:

Terrible Officiating

This of course came about because of the Utah / Alabama bowl game that's on right now. A pass interference call was made when it should have been holding. Either way, the guy screwed up and should have been called for a foul, but the problem lies in the amount of yards penalized.

Wait...why am I discussing this with you who read my blog? I don't know if any of you would be interested in reading about football (except maybe Whitney because she's trying SO HARD to learn the game for her King's sake, LOL). I'll just end today's football discussion with a suggestion: Google - tuck rule Raiders Patriots. (I did the legwork of finding the Wiki for you, find the youtube version.) TELL ME that's not a fumble. Now that was terrible officiating...blah. I'm not still bitter from 2002 or anything....*ahem*.

So since I don't have much to say, I'll do a random picture post for you this evening.

A car ride with Dad turned into "pose for picture time". That hat will soon be worn by Wee One, as will the Raiders jersey. Funny I should talk football and then pick a jersey-wearing picture. Droopy-eyes 11 year old is trying to look tough.

La revue, se reflètent, vont en avant

Review.

Reflect.

Go forward.

That's what Babel Fish says it means in French, and I trust it because my high school and sort of college French experience tells me instinctively, THIS is right.

Since everyone appears to be doing a review of '08 and reflecting on their feelings from it, and then setting resolutions...I'll give my condensed version of what happened by browsing my pictures. I can't be expected to remember this year, can I? Since bloggy world has only known me since August (really September), here's my 2008 in a nutshell (but not really nuts because 4 year old is allergic).

January 2008 - 4 year old had a birthday party to attend and he WAS the only boy. I must say he handled himself very well. The Jayhawks won the Orange Bowl!

February 2008 - We voted in the primaries and it WAS exciting. Hubs had a birthday.

March 2008 - We celebrated our first anniversary! Husband is so good, he did the Paper anniversary right. He wrote me a beautiful note.
April 2008 - Wee One arrived and the Jayhawks won the National Championship. Rock Chalk...oh, and I love you, Wee One.
May 2008 - Graduations. Hubs took a trip to see his best friend graduate college, 4 year old "graduated" pre-school, my sisters graduated from KU. We were full of accomplishments.

June 2008 - Hubs took the two older boys to the Kansas City Chiefs mini-camp. Maybe he can do that again in 2009 so they'll will approximately 2 games again? :) GO RAIDERS.
July 2008 - 4 year old played indoor T-ball and I attended my high school cross country reunion run, although I did NOT run. Wee One was fresh and new and my boobs were huge. I was not about to bounce around with those milk jugs *literally* flopping about.

August 2008 - 4 year old turned 4 and Wee One had some happy moments. Yes, it is documented that he's so terrible his happy moments are noted!!
September 2008 - We attended a wonderful wedding of two people who truly deserve the caring souls of one another. Truly. No sappy sarcasm intended. My cousin and his bride are beautiful people inside out and are two of the sweetest people we know. He built this for their ceremony which was on their property. We also took the boys to St. Louis for some family weekend fun.

October 2008 - I turned 31. How gross. We attended two more weddings and the annual festival down in my hometown. Fun times!

November 2008 - It was cold. We took the two small ones to a women's basketball game, we visited my father, we attended a 2 year old's birthday party, my mother came to town and introduced her Wii to 4 year old (oblivious to the fact he was getting his own in a month). Oh, we also voted for the President!!!!

December 2008 - Hubs graduated college!!!!!!!! 11 year old became 11. Xmas, NYE, the hoopla...the usual. And now it's gone, just to start all over again. The joys of the world.

I won't bore you with resolutions right now, mainly because I don't have any made up to speak of. I only have one goal for this year and I'm not ready to share it with bloggy world yet. It's personal and for me, and it doesn't involve weight loss or refusing chocolate. I don't want to do either of those!!