The Takeover

Wee One is getting bossy. Well, as bossy as a 10 month old can vocally BE. But he's physically bossy over his brothers, that's for sure. He thinks all space belongs to him. Then again....I think babies in general think ALL things that move, don't move, make noise or stay silent, can be bitten or thrown, belong to them. Wee One is absolutely NO exception to the rule. Take a look.

The surprise attack. Good thinking on Wee One's part. T.O. is fairly oblivious to anything around him when the Wii remote is in his hands.
T.O. tries to work WITH the attacker, allowing him to climb up into his lap.

The attacker won't stop at sharing space and destroys any visual T.O. had of Mario Party.

T.O. surrenders the space. Spiderman chair is Wee One's for the taking!

Now if that look doesn't say "Yeah. I know. I'm a bully. So WHAT?" I don't know what does.....

Snot Patrol

I could come up with nothing more creative than this. Well, I also had Sniff Patrol in mind. Or Shut the Bleep Up Control Group. (doesn't make me the sweetest person in the world anymore, does it Heather? Hee hee.)

This has nothing to do with Wee One or T.O. or 11 year old. It's got to do with GROWN people who cannot seem to just wipe or blow their noses.

Sniffing? Really?

Question: What IS the point of it? All it does is direct the crap your body made (and all the other gunk) to fight off your infection BACK into your body. Why? Why do you want to constantly, every FIVE SECONDS, whiff this stuff back up into your nose? Is the mucus a guest of yours that you desperately want to keep around?

Suggestions:
1. Wipe it. It's simple, really. A four year old could probably do it. And I'm actually not stressing probably. They can.

2. Blow it. Gets more out than wiping, and can actually make you feel a bit more clear-headed once you give it a good PUSH.

3. Plug it. Just stick a couple of swabs of tissue in each side of your nose and let it soak it up. Kinda like tampons, you know?

4. Go home. Seriously. Stop driving me insane (and everyone else around us I'm sure...I can't be the only neurotic anti-sniffing person can I?) and go home and feel sorry for yourself there. Loud sniffing does NOT evoke sympathy from me. It makes me want to strangle you or shoot myself.

Tissue, anyone???

Poor Pigeon Update

I used my foot/shoe to nudge him, I knew better than to touch the poor pigeon.

He wasn't at the corner, Erin- dead or alive. Thank goodness.

I sincerely hope he DIDN'T catch the bus either, Aubrey!!!!

Whitney...so you DO think the lullaby was too much???

Cammie...do you think, really? He was a jumper?

Mommy...I already responded to you. I was laughing TOO hard.

ChicagoLady...are they hermaphrodites? I might have to google pigeons tonight.....

Poor Pigeon

I think it is a pigeon. I'm not very aware of my birds, I admit. On my way to work this morning, though, driving along the road here downtown, I see a little pigeon hanging out on the dividing line between the bus lane and my lane. As I approached him, he didn't move. I passed him and parked, and as I walked back that direction toward work, he was still standing there, on the line.

Now, I know I can be mean and I'm not a huge fan of having pets. But I'm a bleeding heart and seeing nature live out the way it's destined bothers me. I don't know if this pigeon was dying naturally or if he'd been attacked and was too injured to fly away. But I know watching him sit on this stripe in the road, ready to become roadkill, wasn't working for me.

I got out in the street and nudged the poor little pigeon to the side of the road. He wouldn't jump up on the sidewalk, so I left him there near the curb but still in the bus lane. I can only hope he's not there when I leave here this evening, dead or alive. I might cry. I just can't take seeing animals helpless like that.

Of course, maybe he wanted to be on the stripe, maybe he was waiting for his love pigeon to return? Yes, this is how I'll think of it. Maybe his love pigeon will recognize him sitting near the curb instead of on the stripe? Okay, wait....now I realized as I was nudging poor little pigeon to the curb that there were regular downtown folk who must have thought me as off-kilter as they are. Now I know I am.

Shopping With Cents

Or Sense. Really, I'm not certain which is more true because they both are factual. The fam, the entire fam, went bulk shopping at Costco on Sunday. We've got pennies, literally, in the account, but we made them stretch. And everyone acted, for the most part, like they had some sense in the store. They weren't totally embarrassing which would have prompted us to act totally embarrassing as well. We all behaved, for the most part. Come along on our shopping trip with us, won't you?

T.O. and 11 year old cheese it for the camera in the back on the way to the store. The sunlight looks great, doesn't it? Too bad it is only 20 something degrees F. Crappy winter.

Wee One is...well, you judge. Do you think he was excited to go? He sometimes enjoys car rides, sometimes not. The hat is his brother's, gives him a cat in the hat style with all that extra air on top.
I made 11 year old pose for this, don't think we allow him to drink. He can't do this until he's at LEAST 12. Sheesh.

Wee One is a bit overwhelmed with the size of the boxes and the amount of people in the store. He did well, though, considering all he wanted was for Daddy to pick him up. I am on one hand thrilled that my point is being validated (HUBS, YOU HELD HIM TOO MUCH), but on the other hand saddened that he is already a daddy's boy and not a mama's baby.

T.O. was really good in the store, until this point in time. He got a bit too rowdy and had to be confined to the front of the cart. He's pouting, but if I recall correctly, it was half-fake and he jumped off and got ran over about two minutes later.

Monday Mumbles

Time for the Mumbles. Just ten random things that I am thinking about today. No particular order, just ten things.

1. I hate having my period. Sorry, TMI I am sure...but you see, I've been pregnant or nursing for so long that when I finally had to deal with the land of monthlies (a few months back), I was sad. And I'm still sad. What women go through just to have those monsters yell and cry in our faces....

2. Speaking of monsters, Wee One is still a Daddy's boy. And yes, I'm getting a little jealous (although he did hug up on me this morning as I dropped him off. Oh wait, that's because he doesn't yet like getting dropped off. It really had nothing to do with me).

3. T.O. refused my kisses good-bye at daycare last week. Fine. I dealt with it. I knew it was coming. But today, I asked for a high five and he responded "You can do whatever you want to, Mama." I was so happy I hugged AND kissed him. Take that, Wee One.

4. I played "Sorry!" the board game with 11 year old and T.O. Saturday morning and I won. I have no mercy when it comes to games. Unless I cheat...then I 'fess up and we play again. But there is still no guarantees that I won't try and cheat the second time around.

5. T.O. has unfortunately tried cheating at Chutes and Ladders. He got caught, however, by his uncle.

6. Lunch. Lunch is on my mind. I am still eating a LOT since I'm still nursing. I totally use it as a crutch to eat the crappiest things. I might just use it to eat a pound of Hersey's chocolate tonight. Not kidding.

7. I LOVE the pediatrician that the boys see. She's great. She's helpful, kind, she listens...she actually thinks that we might have a slight bit of sense and aren't just neurotic parents who think our children are dying every chance we get. It's very reassuring to have that in a doctor. She just can't go on maternity leave anymore.

8. Speaking of doctors, I just got my "your yearly is due" notice. BLAH. The baby isn't even a year old yet!!!!! And then I get 6 weeks after that to dread some more...do you have to be so darn prompt with your notices?? Really? Haven't you seen enough between there during the last half-decade?

9. My mom is coming to town next weekend, I believe. She wants to see "her boys" (she's still delusional about who birthed them, I think). I might make like a cat and scram outta the house....with or without Hubs is really not a concern, at this point. I might like him enough on Friday and take him along for the kid-free hours we'll get.

10. My girlfriend just returned last week from her trip to the Dominican Republic where she laid around on beaches and stuff like that. She said that next time she would take me because her boyfriend wasn't very good at relaxing. I don't know why, after nearly 20 years of knowing one another she had to come to this conclusion AFTER THE TRIP. Really, not very cool. So any ladies out there wanting a girls trip away...I'm game. And I'm good at relaxing. And I won't reprimand you for flirting with a hot bartender/waiter. We'll wiggle our fingers together.

Relationships - Just a Snippet

I spend some time in another forum discussing relationships, marriage mostly, and sometimes friendships or topics related to children. I have a few thoughts I felt like posting here in order to bore my sisters some more. They really dislike the serious posts that I do, they'd rather laugh at the silly things their nephews do or say. I can't blame them, however, there are a few things I find important or noteworthy to discuss. Life isn't all about smelling good and eating chocolate.

One question was posed about the "myth" of happy marriages, and this particular woman's frustration with men. I responded:

Marriage is a trial, like all relationships. The first years are rough. They're a learning process, they involve anger and love, fighting and making up. It's taking time to find footing with one another and figure out a way to continue to spark the relationship while balancing life, work, and most likely children. I certainly don't see how men can be to blame for most of the issues, both partners play a part. If you've personally experienced or seen negative relations fall out due to the man, I believe those are circumstantial. Men and women are truly more similar than we are different. Respect is the main key...in any relationship, be that romantic, friendship, paternal, sibling, etc. It's the glue to it all, in my personal opinion.

The question was posed to some about WHO creates your happiness when you're married and how much a part does your spouse play in that. I responded:

I don't think it should be said that the PERSON is the source of the new unhappiness. It could be how you find yourself as a husband and decide that it doesn't suit you. It could be that how your wife finds herself as a wife doesn't suit you. It could be that sharing space with someone day in and day out doesn't suit you.

None of these possibilities (and a lot more possibilities not mentioned) SPECIFICALLY MEAN that the PERSON is the source of unhappiness, but rather that the joining of the two of you and the new roles you've found yourselves in doesn't suit the person who becomes unhappy.

I think it's wrong to assume the finger can be pointed at a person when sometimes...it's just the circumstances. NOW...how you choose to handle/change/manipulate/mold the circumstances can determine future happiness, I do believe.

The question was asked about speaking to our children about sex, what age, how do you approach it, how was it done for you...etc. She mentioned all the crazy things that are taking place with children now adays and what they're learning outside of the home whether we acknowledge it or not. I responded:

My husband already talks to 11 year old...and every time the baby cries...he asks him if he wants one of his own. He's constantly keeping dialogue, for better, or worse. I think talking is important, even if we never had it growing up. All issues you mentioned are reasons to have this dialogue...RUNNING dialogue until they're married.

In the marriage discussion board, it was asked which celebrities get the "boyfriend/girlfriend" pass for us and our spouses. My sisters always rag on me thinking I ONLY find Black men attractive. NOT true. So here I will give you some examples, little sisters. Pllllbbbbbhhh.

Hugh Jackman

James Marsden
Heath Ledger (RIP)

One on One Time

We received a phone call Saturday morning with an offer for tickets to the Jayhawk Men's basketball game. I jumped at them! I haven't gone to a game all season, and T.O. has never gotten to experience Allen Fieldhouse for a men's game. I figured it was about time.

For those of you who are bored or sports fanatics, here is a link to read up on the history and tradition of basketball at KU. Off to the right are pictures that you may click to read each chapter in the story....Dr. Naismith Q&A...Beware of the Phog...etc. Enjoy.

I wore a hat for a reason, blah. But a lady insisted on taking our picture, so I figured I could post it. I really need to get my contact prescription refilled.

Here is the view of the Fieldhouse from our vantage point. The new scoreboard and video is exactly how everyone described. Great.

Little man did his part to appear patriotic.

Here my little man received a hug from his 1 year old cousin, "Buddy". T.O.'s practice with Wee One gave him the know-how about baby hugs and helping them NOT tip over.
This is T.O. and his cousin's version of the bucket game from Bozo. Anyone remember that??

Weather Forecast: Storms Ahead

I feel like things around me, around all of us, have been under the surface for a very long time. But now instead of being under....it's over. Hanging. Daring. Threatening.

found here

I read somewhere yesterday that Blacks shouldn't be offended by that cartoon. It's simple science that actually links all of us, White and Black, to the monkey family. This opinion would be embraced if it weren't for one LARGE, looming fact. The history of the joke.

It is pure ignorance for Whites to pretend that this cartoon was anything BUT a centuries old joke. White people referenced Blacks as monkeys to infer lesser intelligence, simple-mindedness, and inferiority. It is so, it is history. It dates back to slavery. It is also true of the jokes about fried chicken and watermelons. They actually made sport of Blacks and these foods, unto which they were forced to comply due to pure hunger and survival necessities.

People say I shouldn't be ashamed because I didn't draw the cartoon. But these same people believe that we, as a country, should be PROUD together, and were QUICK to jump Michelle Obama when she said she FINALLY felt proud of America because some of us are starting to see past these centuries old divisions. She could NOT be proud of an America that allows these types of jokes to continue, just as I CAN be ashamed that they are allowed.

Over-reacted? Blown out of proportion? When we, as a people, realize what Blacks, as a people, have been forced to endure (do none of you know the term porch monkey? Yet another attempt at referencing Blacks as monkeys, and it was accepted as common terminology up through the mid to late 20th century), only then can we stop trying to say they're just yelling "RACISM!"

Learn the history of the people calling foul before you try and tell them they're just over-reacting. Just because YOU don't feel hatred doesn't mean that the intent of the joke wasn't coming from a hateful place.

Random Picture Post

I haven't done this in awhile, so I dug into the photos (no recent ones due to the camera being out of commission). Here are a few from last year that I like. Happy almost Friday, everyone. I think, after this week, we all need some rest.

Here is how I feel about Fridays at work.

Here is what I'd rather be doing.

But this is how I'll be acting at work.

NY Post Fans the Shames

Consider this my Methods of Understanding Part 2. Part 1 is here. I am, as cliche as it gets, shocked, saddened, and shamed by today's NY Post cartoon. It's referenced here on Dorkys' blog. I sincerely hope that you who read this are, as well.

I am ashamed. And I am tired of people saying that I shouldn't be ashamed. I am. It's despicable and it makes me feel dirty and sour and guilty.

The media and the White community constantly call on the Black community to take action and STAND UP for their own. They ask them to STEP IN and clean up their neighborhoods, help one another if they want to see real progress. They sit back and ASK these things of another culture, another race. Agreed. I agree that everyone should learn to be accountable for those around them, to encourage and uplift the communities in which they live.

The same should be said for White people. For those in the media, on capitol hill, in the workplace cafeteria. Stand up and try and make those around you better people. You've got nothing else to do but die on this Earth, why CAN'T you try and teach? Try and reach out? Try and learn something new about someone different?

Today I AM ashamed to be White. What do the Black people at my work think about when they see this happening TODAY, in 2009, and then pass by white face after white face in the hallways? It's no wonder they sometimes think twice about reaching across the aisle and saying hello. I cannot blame them if they have to ask themselves...."Did she laugh at that cartoon?" I cannot blame them for feeling like steps forward end up becoming miles back.

I have to teach my children to love and learn and teach. But some days, like today, I find that no lesson at all is better than what I might end up saying. Today, I had to press my mute button. I would have ended up persecuting my own.

A Life in Lyrics

People often say that songs reflect life. We sing songs that we feel are relevant to our lives. We belt out the love songs when we're all in love and stuff, we belt out the chick tunes when we're angry, and so forth. But what if life really played out like song lyrics? I was thinking about this as I sang (really loudly and really, really out of tune) on the way home. Would it go something like this?

Him: Look into my eyes - you will see What you mean to me.

Her: Can't you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me.

Him: Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight.

Her: What have you done for me lately? Good thing I cook or else we'd starve to death.

Him: I guess I'll go on home....it's late. There'll be tomorrow night, but wait....what do I see?

Her: I got gloss on my lips....a man on my hips.

Him: Everybody needs a little time away....even lovers need a holiday....hold me now, it's hard for me to say I'm sorry.

Her: If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.

Him: Let the music play....we won't get away.

Her: I wanna fall and know that love has caught me. Safe in the arms of love.

Life's a Box of Chocolates???

Okay, so I received a box of chocolates from 11 year old for Valentine's Day. He tricked me at the store and told me he was getting it for his Grandpa. That didn't surprise me, he likes to do things for his grandparents. But when we got home, he gave it to me. How sweet. :) I thought I'd take you all on the journey that IS taste testing. I will warn you, I don't do well with things that aren't straight chocolate. I just like my chocolate plain, milky, and plain. But I will be adventurous for 11 year old. Here goes....

1st:
Appearance: Square, smooth on the outside
Taste: Creamy chocolate on the inside. It's okay. Oh wait...maybe this is the tougher, chewier caramel?? I forgot to warn you my pallet is terrible and it's dark in here.

2nd:
Appearance: Rectangle, some light colored drizzle on top
Taste: Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! I think it's orange cream filling. Or should it be creme? I don't care which, it's gross.

3rd:
Appearance: Rectangle, 3 darker colored lines drizzled across the top and sides
Taste: Blech spit gag!! It's a cherry pink filling. I might seriously gag.

4th:
Appearance: Rectangle, 2 squiggly light colored drizzle
Taste: SERIOUSLY!? Another orange????

5th:
Appearance: Round with grooves in it, promising because I think I spy some caramel drip on the edge
Taste: SCORE. Creamy caramel....Oh...hmm....kind of has a coffee-ish after taste. Weird. Good, but weird.

6th:
Appearance:

Hold up....I can't eat anymore. I think I might get sick. Aaaahhhhhh. If it's any consolation, I think the others up along the opposite side are the same orange and cherry crud, and the middle ones probably have nuts. I don't like nuts in my chocolate. I really don't like nuts that much at all. I might feed the rest to Hubs. He's not a huge candy fan though. Again...weird, to me, since he looks like milk chocolate. Some days, I just wanna eat him up.....

....(and then there are days like yesterday, tomorrow, the following day.....)

Mumbles Update

Allie is a girl. Not only a girl, but apparently a smart-assed girl who would lie about being a boy. Teacher's words, sort of...not mine. T.O. is still in denial that she is a girl. He's convinced she's a boy and since they're friends, it would be easier in his mind that he's friends with a boy. Oh, and not only is she a girl, she's the director's daughter. Weird.

There is nothing seriously wrong with Wee One. Yes that's good...and it's bad. His eczema is bad, but she said that since some of the break-out might be allergy-related, we can give him some baby does of claritin. I am excited to see if it helps him and relieves the itching. I'm sad to know he's just an arse to be an arse most days.

I did get the dishes done and did some easy grocery shopping, but no laundry. I am about to start that now. Just as soon as I figure out what to feed the children and then bathe them. L-A-Z-Y day off.

Monday Mumbles

Same thing, different Monday. Just ten random things that I am thinking about at the start of this week. They are in no particular order, as always stated previously.

1. I have a bottle of breast milk sitting next to me on the table. Don't freak out, I'm not at work today. President's Day, of course!! Gotta love banks and the stock market. I just got done pumping and I'm about to shower. Aren't you happy to be privy to such information?

2. Wee One has a doctor's appointment this afternoon. We finally get to see our regular ped!!! You don't know how happy this makes me. She is considerate, listens, and is thorough. I NEED to know that something isn't wrong with this child. At least not physically...I think I already know he's slightly off-center socially. Brat.

3. I WILL scrapbook today. I will. I must. It's piled up on my table and the boys haven't been able to eat up here for a week. I took over, and now I need to give it back. The table, that is.

4. My husband had an anatomy class he took in college and they had to buy these brain models. He dug his out of his college this weekend and came to me asking "Do you think T.O. will want to be a doctor?" My initial reaction was to roll my eyes but I refrained. I simply said "I have no idea. All moms want their boys to be doctors. Brain surgeon might be a little much to reach for at age FOUR though." We're keeping the brain model.

5. We have been asking T.O. about his friends at the new school. He mentions a few repeatedly. You always wonder who these kids are and what they're like...are they suitable, etc. Well, he mentioned one kid named Ali/Allie/Alley...we weren't sure how we should consider spelling it because T.O. busted out with this: "Well, Allie says he's a girl, but the kids all call him a boy. He's a boy." Well Hubs saw this Allie kid briefly and said if he's a girl, he's the most boyish looking girl I've ever seen. Okay, so I am a bit concerned that 1) T.O. is being introduced to sexual identity crises too young and 2) he might screw up and offend this child or their parent(s). Today, I dropped them off a bit late since I don't have to work and was able to see Allie myself. I know it's spelled Allie because of the Valentine's party card he received. That led me to believe it's a girl. And if it is, this child's parents have serious explaining to do. This child's hair...oh my gosh. And her/his face...very boyish, agreed. But she had on some sad little pink and blue pants. Seriously - pink and blue. How are we supposed to know what she/he is? I feel badly for this child.

6. Some blog I visited today said something about her small blog following....she had 195 followers. I rolled my eyes at that one. I love my 17, but Miss 195 needs a reality check. Maybe she hangs out with "stars" so 195 is small in comparison...?

7. Wee One gave the daycare lady kisses this morning. In front of me. Brat. I am starting to think he doesn't like me. When Hubs is around, he crawls to him. When this daycare lady walked in, he crawled to her. I think it's sad that he doesn't see me as his comfort crawl. :(

8. I see dishes piled up on the counter and I know laundry is downstairs waiting to get done...and I know I have to go grocery shopping today...but I can't get motivated. The house is too quiet...it's eerie.

9. I think news of layoffs is sad. No matter if it's at your job spot or someone else's...just knowing that someone is going home and doesn't have to return to work is sad. The worry is overwhelming I am sure. I was given a head's up in a roundabout way that if layoffs were to be forced on our department, I wouldn't be the first to go. That was reassuring but the person pin-pointed as first to head out the door would be in such a bind. It's sad. No matter if it's you or not....

10. My Mumbles are really jumbled today. Sorry about that. I'm kind of all over the place right now in my mind. I have a lot to get done but no deadlines for them, so they just sit....and my feet are really cold. That shower is calling my name.

Weekend Report

Not much news in the TOOJ household over the weekend.

Hubs and I went to my dad's house and watched some basketball (go Jayhawks), and then we left the kids with my dad and brother so that we could have a few hours away. We went to my bank and Target and then we went to dinner. I had a gift card that I received at Christmas and we used it, so we spent ZERO dollars for a Valentine's dinner. We know how to work the system.

I then was able to talk Hubs into stopping at Hobby Lobby (craft store) because they were having a 50% off sale of scrapbooking materials. I was so excited he agreed to go in with me that I was a fast but happy shopper. I had a gift card for here too, from Christmas, so I only spent $0.93 of Hubs' money. I would snap a picture of my purchases, but as you know from previous posts...the camera is out of focus commission. (*ahem Hubs ahem*)

Today my cousin's son had his first birthday party. He was a very calm but happy eater of the cake and he raked in lots of good presents. Wee One acted like an arse, so I was ready to leave. Wee One subsequently cried a majority of the way home, nearly prompting an urgent care visit at the local children's hospital but we opted to hold out and see how he does overnight. His skin is very sensitive and he's got eczema fairly bad (to my standards at least, since I've never seen this before in my life until him). I wonder if he's got an ear ache/infection as well. SOMETHING has to be wrong with him...a baby cannot be this grumpy. As soon as we got home...you guessed it. He was happy. He's gotten fussy as the night wore on so he's in bed early, and coated with Eucerin/Aquafor. Again, I'd take pictures so you mommy doctors could diagnose his rashy face and temperament, but the camera is......yeah yeah. I know. Stop whining.

I am about to play Wii with T.O. Let's all hope he's gotten over his "I need to win or else I'll cry" stage. That's really irritating and makes me try and beat him without any ego-softening "dang! I missed that one!" accidents. Mean mommy, I know.

For having the day off tomorrow, I'm pretty grumpy so I better stop blogging now.

Dating Tips For Love Day

Hi folks. There are lots of Do and DO NOT lists about dating out there. They inevitably surface this time of year, right before the pseudo holiday of Candy Valentine's Day. I like V-Day. I really do. People protest because it's so hyped and fake, but this is how I see it - It just gives a new, fun twist for showing love to your sweetie (or sweeties for you polygs out there). Yes, we KNOW...you always show love throughout the year, and why should you be forced to do so now? Well, you're not forced. But it's a damn good reason to demand that one pound milk chocolate heart, so stop raining on our parade, eat it, and be quiet.

That was really a tangent to what I wanted to say. I started off about lists for DO and DO NOT dating tips, and ended up whining about V-Day haters. Here we go, to the meat. Before you put this post in your "don't need to read" stack, keep these things in mind:

1) Why take advice from an "expert" who is otherwise divorced or has never been married? I'm married, so SOMEthing worked...right?
2) You may already be married, but don't you know some poor schmuck who hasn't joined our ranks of the pathetically domesticated but WANTS to join? Pass this along to them before they go into the trenches of V-Day dating.

Here are my thoughts on dating and what you should try and keep in mind.

1. Self-Deprecating Humor
Only practice this if you have already established that you are so well viewed in their eyes that the joke comes across as "Ha ha, look at me...I know I say I'm silly but really...we both know I'm the SH*T." This typically doesn't happen right away, and no matter how highly you think of yourself or your jokes...don't make fun of yourself. She or he might just take another glance and see something they didn't see the first time, and that's not good for you. We all know the longer we're scrutinized, the harder it is to recover.

2. Laughing at your own jokes
If you crack a joke, do it with the style that says "I'm serious....that comment was serious...." and do NOT laugh at it. If it was a joke, and it was good...they'll laugh. If you laugh to prompt laughs, you defeat the purpose of making them laugh on their own. Don't you see? If they laugh WITH you...it's a pity laugh. So no laughing at your own jokes until you have allowed enough time to pass for them to either laugh or be an Ahole and let you sit there looking stupid.

3. Agreeing on everything
Some people like fluff on dates, some like meat. For those that introduce controversial topics, for goodness sake, HAVE AN OPINION. And if your opinion doesn't match your date's...so be it. State yours eloquently, politely, but with conviction. There is nothing sexier than a person who has an opinion and shares it politely and with conversational depth. Conversational depth means you can be up for discussion about the pros and cons of the topic, and you aren't a "my way or the highway" type of person. Knowing that your date is willing to go on a limb to state an opposing viewpoint can be hot and should be embraced. You do the same.

4. Don't admit your weaknesses
You might not see them this way, so let me help you. Reality tv, chat sites or blog addictions (*cough*), emotional eating, getting arrested....these are all topics to probably avoid. Now, they can be discussed if your date brings them up in a positive light and you fight it endearing as well.

5. Driving Courtesy
If you have been told you suck at driving, (and whether you believe it or not does NOT factor in this point) DO NOT offer to drive. I personally believe that how you handle the roads can say a LOT about your personality. Trust me. Think about it...your friends...their driving??....it's true.

6. Don't Pretend
If you are seriously dating to find someone significant, don't pretend. Be polite, mind your manners...but don't pretend to want something more than what you want. Then again...if all you want is some lovin'....eh....what the hell. It's Valentine's Day.

Re-Run Addict

I can't help it. Janna Bee got me thinking. She talked about her husband's man-crush on Mr. Hugh Grant and the movie Two Weeks Notice. I admitted I watch that movie as well, whenever it is on. But then last night and tonight I realized....that's not the only movie I'll watch no matter what else is on tv. I can't help it. I am magnetized to the following "on tv all the time" movies. Here's just a few off the top of my head.

Lake House
Another Sandra Bullock movie. But the time warp thing gets me every time. I'm not a huge fan of Keanu Reeves, but he's decent in this movie.

Road House
God, this movie dates me and makes me look like a serious hick. But Patrick Swayze is hella "cool" in this movie and I love his attitude. I'd play the hot doctor to his bouncer any day.

You've Got Mail
There is something about Meg Ryan's quirky character with which I identify. I'm a nerd who would love to own a bookstore, and in NYC to boot. And I instantly feel guilty when I throw zingers at people.

Devil Wears Prada
Streep and Hathaway are excellent in this film. I love the mean character, but the entire thing....AH. Just can't get enough. "Did someone eat an onion bagel???"

Save the Last Dance
I love Julia Stiles. LOVE her. She's great. Which is why.....

Ten Things I Hate About You
.....this is on the list too. :) That, and Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace) is hot.

Comment Consideration

Alrighty....I'm doing what I said I might do. It's a rarity, so read closely.

Comment Consideration.

I love getting comments, I love reading what you lovelies think about my small little part of the world. I love to interact, get points of view, have REAL TALK. I am a nerd by nature, and relish in its consistency. You leave comments and I smile, I think...and now I post. Here are some where I had instant reaction.

1. Erin said...
Rock Chalk Jayhawk! At least now I don't have to pretend to like Mizzou. ;-)

She's totally lost her Jayhawk card...at least for a week. No one, not even someone with a significant other who might be a Missouri fan....is allowed to pretend this. She is on probation.

2. Kirsty said...
Thank you for this. Brilliant, quite brilliant.
Dorkys Ramos said...
What a great and insightful post.
Erin said...
Very well said.
Janna said...
I love this post.

No one can resist being called brilliant, insightful, giving thoughts that are well-said and loved. No one. My cup runneth over....

3. Stephanie E said...
I am so going to be copying this top ten idea! I will be doing it tomorrow! :o)

Forgive me Steph...but did you ever follow through with this threat? I don't think so.....slacker.

4. Ann's Rants said...
Hey Tooj,You always bring such wisdom to my blog comments.

Again...can't resist some self-love. Aaahhhh....feels good.

5. bernthis said...
You look stunning!

Okay, no self love here. JBern, you've done lost your mind. We'll blame it on that shoulder pain you had and call it good.

6. Woman Interrupted said...
PUKE! STOP, POLICE! My hubs might click over someday to see who I'm all-the-time blogging with and then he would see this gushy post and ask me why I don't write posts like that for him. But I guess if he did I could point out that your husband talks to you while you blog instead of saying "get off the damn computer, already."

Fear not, friend. Hubs says this to me too, but I decided to ignore that part on the letter writing day. He gets passes only occasionally.

7. Woman Interrupted said...
Great comments. I think you have a very unique perspective given your beautiful family! I hope when our kids grow up, discussions about race relations will be obsolete. I think its possible...at least I hope it is. This Presidential race did change the rules of the game and we can all be excited about that!

I am all for optimism. I am very excited to see what race relations are like in four years.

8. Charmaine said...
Are you saying that nursing bras don't have an under wire?Huh?

I've been meaning to set her straight on this...and I don't believe she's a regular here, but for the rest of you who don't know about the wonderful world of large breasts with sore nipples and milk production....yes, nursing bras can come with under wire. I read somewhere that for the best possible milk flow, it might be better to leave the more STRAINING forms of support in the closet. I chose to follow this and frankly, these things are so uncomfortable anyhow, the few times I wear the under wire one, I am even MORE miserable. Large booby ladies....keep them. I do NOT want them. Ever.

9. The Rambler said...
Husbands...some days they are just the bigger kid that is spoiled! (Or at least mine can be? I assume all others share a similar trait) But we love em! And the beat goes on.

What? No we don't.

10. Dorkys Ramos said...
"Then I realize NO. It can’t be me. I’m perfect." Hahaha, that was awesome. I'm loving your high self-esteem there, buddy ;)

Is the hahaha because you thought I was kidding? Nope. Dead serious. Perfect. ;)

Monday Mumbles

They're baaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Here's the top ten things on my mind this fine Monday morning. These items aren't ranked, just a top ten listing or things I'm experiencing....shoot, just ten things, dang it. Do I need a reason?

1. Sooooo, daycare/pre-school drop-off didn't go so well. No, I don't want to talk about it. Yes, I did cry. Yes, Wee One cried. No, T.O. didn't cry but he did state that he didn't want to be there, but rather at home with Dad, playing the Wii. I left the building, called my mom, and bawled. She made me feel better and totally justified me blaming Wee One's problems on Hubs. (okay, so she didn't do that, but I think what she said made me justify it...and Hubs doesn't read my blog anyhow, so what's it matter who I blame it on here in Bloggyland?)

2. My sisters and brother keep up a family blog for my dad's side of the family. This weekend, they added a "newscast" video. It cracked me up. I was thinking of doing a post where I talk about this nonsense instead of typing it, but I'm not sure I'll ever feel good enough about how I look or how I sound to post it. Pending.

3. There is nothing better than a Coca-Cola when you are tired, your eyes are puffy, and you're alive.

4. Big Monday on tonight on ESPN. Even if you don't watch sports or basketball, you should tune in for just a few minutes and know that we're watching it together. :) How "global" would that be of us?? (Kansas vs. Missouri 8pm Central, 9pm Eastern for those of you who flunked Social Studies time zones)

5. I'm eating my daycare sorrows. I brought a LARGE portion of lasagna for lunch, but I still felt the need to get french fries, my coke, and cookies to supplement.

6. I was reading something in a forum I follow and this woman said she only lets her children watch tv on the weekends. Do you know what a schmuck of a parent I felt when reading this? Maybe I could cut them back a bit. In their defense, though, they do more playing together than watching tv...I just have it on...constantly.

7. I haven't updated you, but the homework family time that we were attempting is still happening...occasionally. We haven't yet made a full week of it, but we slip it in when Till the 11 year old doesn't have too much homework and T.O. the 4 year old isn't being a tired little turd.

8. I had a valentine waiting on my desk for me this morning. It says I'm one of a kind. I always wonder if this specific saying is meant as a compliment. It could certainly NOT be a compliment....Manson (Charles or Marilyn for that matter) are both "one of a kind" type of fellows.

9. I have been thinking of sharing my blog with my "real time" peeps. I have a brother and my two sisters know about it, and I have a cousin who recently started her own and so I shared mine with her. My mom knows about it, but I don't think she has the web addy or a good enough computer to look at it frequently. Do you share yours with RT people? I know some of you do....

10. Work badge pictures are typically horrendous, but I have to say that with my three jobs that have required badges, I've gotten progressively better. No I take that back. I had 'decent' and then "hideous" and then "ah, it's not bad." Sounds like a day in the life with Wee One.

Crazy Things Kids Say

Here's a story....about a 4 year old...(sorry, Brady Brunch theme song is in my head).

*Ahem*

T.O. (4 year old) is prone to saying things that make you go "huh?" I know all parents hear things come out of their children's mouths that make them think they are geniuses or meant for the funny farm. Our kids tend to say things that make us think they might be testing out jokes for the comedy stage. Some are hits...some are misses. Here are a few of the stories from T.O.'s resume.

Preface: Dad is teasing Till the 11 year old about this girl in his class. They apparently have or had crushes on each other. Dad talks about Till having a girlfriend named...well, we'll protect the innocent. Anyhow, T.O. is witnessing this and giggling.

Dad: Till, who's your girlfriend? Isn't ______ your girlfriend?

Till: Nooooo! Dad, leave me alone!!

*T.O. disappears and reappears*

T.O.: Hey Till!!! Here's YOUR girlFRIEND!!!!

*He is holding a magazine with Mariah Carey on the cover....in a bikini.*

Preface: Car ride with Dad and Till. Dad is speaking with Till about kids around the neighborhood and how he should venture out to meet some of them, make some friends. A girl rides by on her bike and Dad points her out.

Dad: See, Till, there's a girl right there.

T.O.: Yeah, Till, you could go on a DATE.

What 4 year old knows about going on dates?

Preface: I just got home from work and rushed to the restroom. There are four males in this house, and then me. One bathroom. I enjoy my thirty seconds of solitude when I get it.

Mom: Shut the door T!

T.O.: Okay Mom. What are you doing!?

Mom: Going to the bathroom, now leave me alone.

T.O.: But what do you have to do? Pee or poop?

Mom: It doesn't matter, it's not your business! Now get away from the door.

*pause*

T.O.: Oh, never mind Mom! I can hear what you're doing. You're PEEing!!!

Preface: In the car with Dad and Till again. T.O. is trying to ask for something but Dad isn't trying to hear him, so he tells him "no one understands what you're saying, T." T.O. apparently thinks he is truly not being clear in his speech, so he takes it upon himself to practice sarcasm.

T.O.: Am I from Africa? NO. Am I from Spanish? NO. Am I from China? NO. Bamboo is, though.

It Might Be Winter, But.....

That's right. It's nearly 70 degrees here in the Midwest in February. We are enjoying it, even if I'm NOT enjoying my camera. It used to take fairly clear, crisp pictures. Until my husband used it one too many times. He thought he'd be nice and snap some pictures of the two older boys at the dentist. Yes, thoughtful. But he did what I always tell him not to do. He put the camera in his pocket. It turned on, tried to open up, got jammed, and now it cannot focus. Remember those taxes that got done? Yup, I get a new camera. But I'm cheap AND I'm not good at photography (even though I'd like to be), so it'll be a cheap camera that I get. This time, however, it will come with a bag and a sign: "STEP AWAY, HUBS."
No focus didn't deter me from getting a few pictures of the day, however. Blurry or not, I wanted to capture the beautiful weather and smiling faces. The pics of the houses were an instructional exercise to see if they could listen to me and follow directions. "Draw a line. Draw a square on the line. Draw a triangle to make the square look like a house." Then came the door, window, and two things that belonged in the yard. That big circle? It's a ball. Don't judge 4 year old. You don't know how big our balls are around here.

Methods to Understanding: Part 1

Please forgive my indulgence, but it is Black History Month. Yes, folks, get over it...Blacks have their own month. I would feel remiss if I let this month slip by without acknowledging things that have been bubbling within me for the past years, with no escape. This blog is my escape for a lot of life's everydays, and I do consider this discussion topic an everyday for all of us, whether we choose to admit it or not. I sincerely hope this one (or few parts) discussion don't run you away from my blog. It's intention is not that. It's only true intention is to allow me to try and bring others to ask themselves some very simple questions that take personal reflection and might discover less simple answers. I see that many people start different blogs for certain aspects of their lives, but I'm an "all or nothing" type of gal. I can't separate, and frankly, I don't have the time or energy to post funnies here, and serious there. It's all me, all the time - I'm both...and much more. With that said....here it is, a response in my mind to instances of racial conflict. Tomorrow we will go back to discussing asinine drivers and other people we encounter. That's been stewing for awhile too.

I know for many people it is hard to understand why people of differing backgrounds cannot "take a joke." It does appear that way at times to those who have never walked in their shoes, and I myself have been guilty of thoughts like this. But if I may, please let me explain where my feelings come from. Simply put, fried chicken and watermelon are given the label of favorites among Black people, stereotypically. But this label exists only because White people PLACED this stereotype as a negative and demeaning mechanism, and frequently made spectacles of slaves and Blacks throughout history, using these foods as props. For this reason alone I do not like the jokes.

My larger, more concerning problem is that my kids hear it. I KNOW they will be subjected to learning racial differences, stereotypes, even hatred. I am not ignorant to the fact that they will have to face these obstacles; I am, however, going to be disappointed if the stereotype and jokes come at MY family or friendship gatherings. I don't want my children to begin asking questions and hear negative stereotyping because of the people I choose for them to be around. Right now, they may not comprehend all the implications, but I do not want them to grow up, become educated to the ignorance that still permeates society, and be able to relate that ignorance to my family or others with whom we interact and begin to detest people who are genuinely good but ignorant to the fact that they subconsciously harbor stereotypical racist ideas. Once they become educated to the ignorance of these stereotypes, they will NOT be understanding to the ignorance you, as an adult, possessed.

I hope my explanation makes sense and you are able to see that my reaction isn't being "incapable of a joke" but instead a response to eradicate the stereotypes that have negative history for my husband and children. I believe understanding is the best way to go about such topics, and this is my way of trying to ensure you understand where I stand.

I get so frustrated when I hear people say things like:

"Why can't they get over it already?"
"Racism doesn't even really exist anymore. They just create the drama."
"Why don't they trust me, I didn't do anything to them?"

The first step to learning is admitting you do not know everything. I will never submit to understanding how my husband lives his daily life as a Black man in America. First, I am not Black. Second, I do not have a penis. (Thank the LORD...who wants those things dangling all day, seriously?) I will also never submit to understanding how a homeless man came to be homeless. I am not him, nor did I walk in his shoes. We MUST be able to-

STOP.

Listen.

Ask.

Asking is so important. How can you truly find out how you feel (secretly.....on the inside) if you don't ask questions, get answers, and then find out if you expected that answer, are surprised by that answer, or knew that answer? Evaluate what you think and what you do when you are around someone unlike yourself. I ask you to evaluate those quiet, in your head thoughts, and see what bubbles up. Admitting to myself that I had those secret thoughts that I'd never speak out loud made me STOP. Listen. Ask.

Hump Day Happenings

Hey there. Yoohoo, it's me. Yup, still sitting here at work. Oh! I think I just felt my milk let down. THAT wasn't supposed to happen....I don't feed Wee One for another hour or so!! Oh well, it's a good thing we're given the option to make more. Option? Yeah, right. Like I have a choice. Wee One is going to be soooooooo difficult to wean. He loves after work boob time. (Secretly, I do too because I close the bedroom door and we cuddle and I get to watch "Friends" re-runs. It's my fifteen minutes of heaven.)

Our tax lady is coming by tonight so I get to spy what our return should be. Yes, I work in banking, and yes, I have a tax lady.

"Why?" you ask. "It's so easy! Just fill out the step-by-step forms on turbo tax and BAM! You're done."

My response? "I have a paranoia problem about doing it wrong. I don't WANT to understand what a deduction is. I don't WANT to understand how to itemize. I don't WANT to find some loophole to get our $10 worth of donations squeezed into the higher bracket. I don't WANT to understand why I feel robbed every paycheck but only get back XXX amount of dollars."

In other words, I am a wimp. Diane knows what she's doing, she comes to my house, she doesn't drink or eat anything (not that I have anything to offer her, mind you...but she doesn't ask, so we're good), she's reasonably priced considering H&R Block, and she's pleasant. And quick. Yea for tax ladies!

TO and OJ are officially signed up for their new daycare. I'm nervous. Nothing else to say about it. But OJ is acting so good, I'm hoping he's going to really flourish there. Everyone - I need fingers crossed on Monday. I will remind you, don't worry. It's not like I don't know you have other things to think about, sheesh. I'm not THAT into my blog *ahemcoughsnort*. (please don't ask my husband.)

Just FYI, I think I'd like to start another thing on my blog about comments. I might do posts that feature my favorite comments of the week and answer the questions or respond to them if I deem them special. So feel free to not always comment so nicely (I do love the nice, but if you aren't feeling the post, feel free to say "WTH are you talking about?" and I can feature you. If you're lucky, I might get ambitious enough to actually LINK your blog with your name. Sometimes I get lazy about that.)

Until next time (or until I get home and get to visit all of you), Happy Hump Night.

Top Ten - Monday Mumbles

In honor of my Jayhawks finally reaching the rankings of college basketball polls during the "meat" of the season, I will do a "top ten" list myself. These items aren't ranked, just a top ten listing of things on my mind or things I'm experiencing....shoot, just ten things, dang it. Do I need a reason?

1. I have this huge "friend" on my face and I can actually see IT in my peripheral vision. I cannot WAIT to be done with breastfeeding Wee One if only for the fact that I can put on some running shoes and sweat out this crud under my skin. Being a mom brings crap in all forms. I particularly hate this type.

2. There is now ONE week before Wee One and 4 year old start back up at daycare, and full-time at that. I actually find myself nervous. I like the place we picked, don't get me wrong, but it's a bit unnerving all the same. Stay at home moms, I envy you. I don't hide it. I wish I were you. I wish someone would pay me for the thoughts I have each day so that I could afford to stay at home. My thoughts have to be worth more than 2 cents, right?

3. My Hawks are ranked 21 in one poll, 24 in another. And at just the right time in the season.

4. I am beginning to realize I could write a book on race relations. It's interesting the ugliness and beauty that Barack Obama has brought to our world. Never mind politics, I'm speaking nothing at all about abortion, gay rights, taxes, or economy. I'm talking LIFE, PEOPLE, and TIME. And not the magazines. Time does not heal ignorance, people will always be just that, and life may appear to go on, but where's it really going?

5. Mike Tomlin, the newest, youngest, and certainly cutest Superbowl coach is great. I was simultaneously rooting for the underdog Cardinals and cutey Tomlin. And I can DO THAT because I am a Raiders fan anyhow, so Sunday's rooting was all bandwagon.

6. I currently have no common themes or consistent "dailys" in my blog. Maybe I should start one? To be honest, I'm not sure I have the willpower to ensure I give you consistency. It's asking a lot for my boys to get bathed every other day.

7. Wee One had a WONDERFUL Superbowl party. I just wanted you all to know. And in case you don't know much about Wee One, well....find some posts that talk about him. He's a turd. I would call him a jackass, but one of my bloggy friends said that was already taken for her child. But Sunday was GREAT for him - he was away from home all day and was terrific. It was really an amazing feat, and hopefully is a sign of things to come for daycare next week?

8. 4 year old is still throwing fits like nothing I've seen, so I threatened him tonight with a slap across the face. Oh, and also said he couldn't go on the trip Grandma has planned for him if he continues to act like a turd. I'm not sure which was more effective since they were received by him at the same time. I'll separate them later and get back to you.

9. 4 year old is making strides with reading, however, so he gets a special "when you're asleep kiss" tonight. It's my way of getting right with "somebody" but 4 year old doesn't have to know I'm really a softie.

10. That friend on my face? Still there. And he's there because I'm stressing. I'm a stresser-pimple-person, in case you wondered. I won't get into the stresses right now, but suffice it to say these pimples have been around for a bit. Well, not this particular friend, but his cousins have overstayed their welcome for sure.