We start out as babies, progress to responsible adults, and then fall back into an infantile stage in our lives where we have needs like babies.
Hubs was raised by his great-grandparents. He made his worldly appearance when they were inches away from age 60. He grew up watching them return to that infantile stage that we call elderly but is ultimately "grown baby stage". He learned many parenting skills from this experience.
Last night, he says to me, "I walked in today, and OJ was clapping along to music and dancing. Picking up the boys at school is like walking into a nursing home."
I laughed. He shook his head and repeated, "I mean it. It's like going to visit my grandmother....I remember walking in and she'd be having music time, sitting there in her wheelchair, clapping along. It's the same damn thing."
And then he continued:
"They have nap times. Snack times. Play times. They even tossed a ball around like little kids. They used to report like cheerleaders when the old people made it to the toilet instead of using their diapers."
And so the cycle of life goes. Nap times are essential for bodies that can't handle a full 24 hours, yet or anymore. Snack times are essential because of the rapid development or the inability to process much at one time anymore. Play times teach and re-teach our muscles. Bodily function control is a learned and lost art.
Hubs talks constantly of us growing old and dying together. He teases the kids about who gets to take care of us when "we're old". (For the record, Till hasn't jumped at the chance to do so and TO looks at us like we're crazy) But in all honesty, I can't imagine having to take care of my OWN parents. When will THEY ever be incapacitated to the point that they need care? They're sturdy, strong, stable. I'm fairly certain I keep in the back of my mind that I can go to THEM if my feet happen to slip out from under me and my life turns crummy.
My babies continue to clap and sing and dance and play and nap and snack and learn. I sit in limbo, skills acquired and in full use, but just waiting to deteriorate. My parents slow down some and pace themselves. My grandparents begin to rely on us and oftentimes ignore the signs that they need assistance. Hubs' great-grandparents are no longer with us, having returned and made it full circle.
So my point? I'm going to ignore Hubs' comment that the kids at school is like visiting a nursing home. That just brings too close to home the fact that they will grow and age more quickly than I'd ever like to imagine. For now, they're only learning, exploring, and enjoying. For me, right now, that's all I need to "see".
10 comments:
It is definitely something much easier to grasp in small doses. Lately, I have known so many who have had their fathers either pass away or have major life-threatening types of problems/illnesses. It makes me want to ask my Dad every day, "so...how are you REALLY doing?"
I know what you mean, though...I love just watching my kids where they are right now...but then sometimes I look at Sarah...only to see how quickly I will be looking at Dani, Helen and seeing little girls about to hit the transition to teenager-hood (AAACCKK!!!) and then I'll have a new ball of wax with Dominic, who is only 1, but sooner than I want...will be there, too.
Interesting post... I see this a lot with my mom's mom and Granny. In fact, cousin Amy and I have talked about this very thing. We have doctors out there working to extend people's lives, but their quality of life goes way down. Are we doing anyone any favors by helping people live soooo much longer? Don't get me wrong, I am in favor of research and medicine. I just often wonder what people are getting out of living until they are 110, barely walk, wear diapers, and have to have constant help from others.... Maybe some of them would rather just go...
Isn't it the truth though?? Life is a crazy thing. I keep thinking that I HAVE to have kids, because if I don't, who in the world will take care of me????
I need a nap, a snack, and a potty break.
Unfortunately, when I get up to do it, I forget where I was going.
Your post is really pretty profound... and cuts to the crux of things.
Enjoy your parents while they are still mobile.
deep thought today. reminds me of a joke that was emailed around a few years ago. It went along the lines of we have life backwards. in the next life, i want to be born as a grandma, and get younger over the years, until you celebrate your 21st birthday, your graduation from school, and finally you leave this world as the Orgasim that brought you into this world in the first place! :o)
It is so tough taking care of your parents when they get old or even sick. When my mom was dying I had to bathe her. Talk about a reality check. She couldn't think for herself very well, or shower, or eat....so sad. I do get your hubs point.
Enjoy your boys while their young. They do grow up so fast it seems.
My parent's are starting to really slow down and it makes me so sad. I don't see them very often and it can be jarring to realize how much has changed in the span of 6 months.
Honestly, my husband's family is barely beginning this with his grandparents, let alone either of our parents. My grandparents are still lively and chipper, and my parents have a long way to go yet...
Watching my sons grow up is exciting and happy, there's curiosity and development and joy... The thought of dealing with it in reverse, seeing deterioration and pain and the loss of functions and memory and ability... seems so dismal...
I imagine it's extremely difficult.
Oh how I love this post. So true. Whenever I visited my grandparents in the nursing home I would think the same thing. And I think about my parents getting to that point and I just can't imagine it. So yeah, I don't like to think about it either, especially about my boys...so I'll stop now :)
I'm an only child and I think this whole aging and parents and stuff, is a good reason to have more than one. Just one means everything falls on the one child when the parents need help as they age. It's tough - I try not to think about it too much - my parents are still under 60 but I am definitely aware of it...
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