How to Get from Point A to Point B

I had a dream that the photo of Evelyn on the swing at my family reunion was actually an ad for diapers.

Except it was a dual threat ad, you see. "Diapers aren't just for babies...take them along with you on any roller coaster amusement park adventure you have!"

And then Ellen DeGeneres saw Evelyn's ad and thought she should be invited to her show. So we went. Duh.

On the show, I am explaining why any grown person, women in particular, need diapers.  "Well, as we ALL KNOW....diapers aren't just for babies and scary roller coaster rides. Come on, women...when we're out running????"

*crickets in the audience*

"What? Seriously? None of you??"

*crickets getting louder*

"WELL, I know I have friends back home who understand this need! After having those babies, there's just a need. It must just be a Midwest Swing."

And that, folks, is why I'm looking for my Nelly CD this morning before going to work.

Monday Mumbles

The last Monday of August. Who, besides me, finds that to be baffling???


1. There are many reasons why I question OJ as my own child, but the fact that he loves to swing makes him a dead ringer he's mine. I could swing for hours. OJ does swing for hours.

2. While I am an admitted lover of summer, I do NOT love the bug bites. And lately? They seem to be zooming in on me. I have bites on my neck, the inside of my elbow, the backside of my legs, and my ankles. Ugh.

3. Anyone else like the Toyota Venza commercial where the girl child says that having 657 friends on Facebook is "living" and insinuates that her bicycle riding, adventure seeking parents need more of a social life?

4. I accidentally forgot to post Funny Faces Friday. I won't miss it this week. I have some good ones stored up, I think.

5. There is nothing quite so sweet as getting caught staring at your kiddo, BY your kiddo. I just couldn't help myself watch OJ, watching TO. I wonder what he was thinking.

6. Love my kids but I really get excited for their bedtimes. That's when I indulge in the snacks I've hidden from them.

7. I scored two pants-and-jacket professional suits this weekend. At Macy's (I know it's not Nordstrom's, but it's not Target either). Both were originally priced at $200. I got them BOTH for a total of $65.

8. We have always said OJ has attitude, but I am fairly certain that his sister tops him. She is either going to be a real riot or a real terror. Please keep my sanity in your thoughts.

9. With the NFL lockout and all the monetary discussions that took place in order to get this professional football season started forced me into apathy. I have been slow to get excited about the season, but after our fantasy football draft Sunday afternoon and watching my team play Sunday night, I'm getting back into the groove. The post-game interviews with shirtless players don't hurt the cause.

10. What do you think is your most repeated line, either to a child, spouse, friend, family member?  Right now I believe it would be, "SIT DOWN."  What do you catch yourself repeating?

Couples Retreat Analysis

Have you ever seen the movie Couples Retreat? It's not a terribly great movie, but then again I don't consider myself a movie critic. I love romantic comedies and consider them Oscar worthy. Or Emmy or Tony...whatever award the movies receive. Couples Retreat has some lines in it, though, that make me half laugh, half go cock-necked, squinty-eyed, hmmm.

While most blogging heathens like to discuss how perfect their marriages are, Facebook nuthouses, on the flip-side, like to announce to everyone that they married a psychopathic drunk bastard. The truth? Life. And I think romantic comedies, while almost always ending happily, contain some justified storylines about life. Couples Retreat is no different. These quotes may not be EXACT wording....Tivo not included for word verification. The purpose of the statement is in tact, however.

You don't want to look back and say you made it through your life...you want to enjoy your life.
I don't know about all of you, but there are definitely days when I feel like I've just gone through the motions only to look back and realize I never kissed my husband hello or good-bye, I didn't do anything significantly educational OR fun with my children, and the meals we had were, at best, icky. I mean, there are days when I wake up and think I've accomplished something because my underwear doesn't have a hole in it. Making it through, or enjoying???

You could be doing a lot better than "it just works for us".
Ever had a conversation with another married person, describe to them how you and your spouse handle a certain situation only to realize when you say it out loud, it sounds really, really terrible? It sounds sad. And lifeless. And loveless. And unromantic. Not all routines were meant to be glued into your life for eternity, and what might have worked as an initial solution may not be what's BEST for you anymore, just because it's WORKING.

We prefer to bond....on our own.
I do this for the house...he does that for the house. I do this for the kids...he does that for the kids. I do this over the weekend....he does that over the weekend.  But not too often do we ever say "we" did this together. As I type, I'm alone in the bedroom, winding down, and he is in the living room winding down. I think married people like to jokingly say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" to make themselves feel better about never bonding with their partner. Admittedly, there are some couples that do bond, A LOT, and smother each other sometimes. Not a good option for me us. Dilemma.

Use it. Harness it. Hmm. Boom.
If you "went there" with the words harness and boom, that's exactly what the quote was meant for. We have to remember to harness our good feelings and 'boom boom' once in awhile. Or more than once in awhile should you find the energy.

I don't know what journey you're on, but I can't take this trip with you.
Ever watched your significant other flip off the handle in anger, or be totally chill about something they should freak out about? Either way, you are keenly aware that you don't want to feel or act or emulate them in any way.

We need to get focused and stop pointing fingers. You're a problem. A real, real problem.
Ever have a fight start AND end with these sentences? I am pretty sure I have. You might have good intentions to erase blame and find solutions, but you just aren't quite ready to holster the finger. But we all know that the finger holstered would make things better, now don't we?

If you want to play "guess your disease" or "interpret your tribal tattoo", be my guest. Have fun.
Spoken by a married man to another married man with a wandering eye. When it comes down to it, no matter how angry you are, do you want to join the ranks of the crazy, single world?

Monday Mumbles

Hidey Ho, Monday goers. What did you do this weekend? We celebrated two birthdays, had approximately 3 meltdowns per child, and some great weather.


1.  We went bowling for TO's 7th birthday, upon his request. I do believe he had a good time.

2. It was really, really chilly in the bowling alley. Hence the need for blankets. Really?? Yup. Apparently.

3. A gal at work made "cake balls" for a guy's birthday on Friday. I've never had a cake ball. Have you? This is what it is: a baked cake, crumbled and mixed thoroughly with frosting, chilled and rolled into golf ball sized spheres, and then chilled again before being dipped in melted almond bark chocolate. I decided to try them and I think they might have been too much "sweet" for my traditional cake and frosting family. But they were fun, nonetheless.

4. My sister had the rubber inflation part of her basketball get sucked into the middle and became useless. So she bought a new ball. But she kindly brought up the bad ball, which she had cut into Pacman-like, so that the "boys" could blow it up. So thoughtful of her.

5. The kiddos had a great time at my cousin's child's first birthday party Sunday. It was at a city park with a playground and swings, and more importantly...room to run. We love tired children. And cute children.

(shirt look familiar, friend???)

this kid can't get enough of swinging. definitely my child.

6. I've decided I have time to try and finish the two books I have started and to get a third. I am ready to start reading "The Help". I know, I know....rave reviews. Good movie. I just move slow on these things.

7. Speaking of books, I am now desperately behind on birthday scrapbooking. This week. I will do TO's 6th birthday party, and I will work my way toward this past weekend's celebration. At least I have 8 more months before the next birthday rolls around. I should be able to finish up 4 parties in that amount of time.

8. The past month's worth of Sundays, I find myself going through the mental motions needed to "prepare" myself for my old position. Old habits are going to be hard to break.

9. And I never realized how much trust I need to feel comfortable at work. Maybe I always felt secure enough that my managers recognized my efforts before and I never realized the trust I put in them each and every day.

10. If there's one thing I will never grow uncomfortable doing, it is kissing my babies' faces. I love those faces.

Hair Care - One Year Later

I love looking at the crazy photos we have of Evelyn and her hair. It's like a child all by itself. One that her father doesn't like, at all, mind you.  Here are two photos - one in August 2010, and one in August 2011. Someday this girl might get a hair cut!

2 months old

14 months old

Follow Up to Absolutes-ly Nots

When I realized I was the parent and home owner, but not necessarily the marriage builder, I asked Hubs, "Are you happily married?"

He emphatically stated, "NO!"

And then he recanted. He said:

Because my wife knows her place.

He always knows how to piss me off. And then he spoke, seriously.

My wife is my biggest supporter. My wife takes care of our family. Plain and simple.

I guess it is because I'm the parent and the home owner. Who knew?

(I'm sure a little nookie and food wouldn't hurt either!)

Absolutes-ly Not For Me

I have never been one for absolutes. Never say never, for example. I rarely catch myself saying "I always....", and I don't like lumping things into all or nothing.

And then tonight I was posed the relatively straight-forward question, "Are you happy in your marriage?"

It wasn't a face to face conversation, but instead through Facebook. This allowed me a slight moment's hesitation for two reasons. First, I knew the inquirer wanted a yes or no answer. That's just how they are. Second, Hubs and I go through periods of difficulty and are currently breaking one. But ultimately?

My fingers typed "yes".

And then I followed it with some jibberish about their question not being a yes or no question. I said it's difficult to maintain happiness in a marriage when children are little and finances aren't secure. Finding the happiness through the stress is a difficult task, and it takes practice and repeated efforts and reminders to find the joy in your partner. The everyday can BEAT.YOU.UP.

Let's be honest. It's so easy to distract yourself that you're doing the right thing because you care for the kids, feed them and bathe them, do their laundry and clean their rooms, and love on them and read them books. Those are the RIGHT things to do in a marriage. Right?

No, those are the right things to do as a PARENT.

And then you distract yourself that you're doing the right thing because you worked a full day, came home and picked up the laundry from the bedroom floor and straightened bathroom towels, did a load of dishes before cooking dinner and then washed the dinner dishes as well. Those are the RIGHT things to do in a marriage. Right?

No, those are the right things to do as a HOME OWNER.

So why did I answer yes?

Because Hubs listens to me when I speak rationally. He believes in my parenting. He randomly rubs my feet. He understands I do more housework than he does. He plays with the children outdoors. He pushes them on the swing, and shoots basketball. He talks to them. He recognizes his own need for personal time. He recognizes mine. He compliments me. He tries, harder than me sometimes.

So why should he answer yes, if asked?

Because I'm a good parent and a decent home owner? Lord, do I have work to do.

Monday Mumbles

The Mumbles are generally ten random things that I feel like grumbling about, right? WELL...we just had a GREAT weekend at my family reunion on my father's side, and instead I'd like to "mumble" with photos and give you some insight into half the chaos that influenced ME, growing up. (I apologize to FB friends. These photos will be repeats for you! But please, read along, for the "insight" portion of the show.)




1. The reunion would never have been if it weren't for this woman, my grandmother, "Granny", my dad's mom, mother of 9. My memories of "family reunion" always consisted of a road trip to a small town in Missouri where a member of my Granny's husband, my dad's dad, lived. They lived near a large lake, had a "barn" house (old barn converted into a home), an in-ground pool, and lots of crazy people. The last time we had one of those was August 2000, mainly due to the lady of the barn house passing and the tradition slipped away. Now that Granny and my late grandfather are parents of 9, grandparents of 21, and great-grandparents of 19, soon to be 23, it seemed a perfect time to revitalize the reunion, with Granny's family as the core unit. This year in particular was perfect because Granny turned 90, her middle child turned 60, and her baby turned 50.

2. At this small town in Missouri, there was a small inn. At this small inn, there was a wonderful in-ground pool, a covered picnic area, shuffleboard, a slide and a swing set. I couldn't wait to wake up and go swinging. I love swinging. Present tense, not past. It was only fitting that the place chosen to host our revitalizing reunion had the following characteristics:

• was an old barn converted into a bed and breakfast with 21 rooms
• an in-ground pool
• large dining area and patio
• swing sets
• acres upon acres to play on

OJ enjoying the wooden bench facing bench platform swing

EJ also enjoying the swing set (she really was having a good time!)

3. Swimming. Those reunions dating back from 1984ish to 2000 had one major theme - swimming. When we awoke at the inn, we went swimming. When we made it down to the barn house a few hours after waking, we would get in their pool, going down the slide and off the diving board for hours upon hours. When we loaded up to go on the lake, we were swimming at the "beach", off the pontoons, or jumping off cliffs. This year was no different. Well, minus the cliffs, jet skis, and pontoons. And muddy water.

My brother Jimmy giving the water 2 thumbs up

Till looking like a grown child

Big brother shark chasing little brother guppy

TO showing off his skills in the deep end

4.  Another tradition was the magic show. My uncle...who married my dad's sister....began performing magic shows for all the family. My earliest magic show memory was actually a sidenote of the show, but instead involved my little brother (above). Before the show one night, my brother thought it only appropriate that the national anthem be sung, as in sporting events. So at the age of 4 or 5, he stepped up on a cooler, stuck his chest out far and proud, and belted the Star Spangled Banner.

The kids always get a front row seat to the show

5. Every year, someone would always bring a new toy or gadget to share. My cousin Billy was always a good source of interesting and physical activities. This year, he brought out a couple of kites, and the small/medium kids were instantly drawn to them.

Billy, left, explains to my cousin Andrew (yes I have a cousin in the 4th grade) and TO how, exactly, to manipulate the strings in order to manipulate the kite

Billy helps TO get the hang of it

 6. Games. Games games games. My family loves them, the aunts and uncles and the kids alike. We might be a tad competitive, but it's all in mostly good fun. Below are two photos of the "boy time" game of ultimate frisbee. I do believe we walked away from this game with zero injuries. Success!

And a reunion for THIS family wouldn't be proper without at least one game of Trivial Pursuit

7. Relaxation. Whether it be on the boats or beach at the lake, pool side in the lounge chairs, or napping in the afternoon at the inn, everyone found their quiet spot. TO and EJ enjoyed the hammocks....almost as much as I did.

8. If we can, we celebrate. As I mentioned earlier, the occasion was perfectly planned in 2011 for the 90th, 60th, and 50th birthdays. We already had a big bash in March for Granny, we had a great party in July for my Aunt Mary, and since the "baby" turns 50 August 25th, we capped the weekend off with a birthday party.

Loved his cake. We weren't sure how he got INTO or OUT OF this little train. Apparently he's always wanted a vanity plate that read "9 of 9". I think it'd be cute - he should do it!

9. Nothing finishes a good weekend off like a great sunset. If you click the link, you'll see the full moon past the plant and the trees.

10. I found it only fitting for a family reunion to end on a note of continued tradition. Here, my cousin Billy enjoys some quiet time with his beautiful, pregnant wife Joyce. We can't wait to meet 1 of 4 new family members coming this November and December!!

Avoiding the Rump Lump

Have I ever told you the story of my ass?

I know some of you know the story. It dates back to 2002-2003. You know, the days when I was childless, full of hours to do as I pleased, and ambition. Oh yes, my girlfriend and I were full of energy and enthusiasm. She wanted to do a marathon, and while I knew she was more "about it" than me, I was willing to try.

So she found the training program and we trained. We trained and trained and we ran miles upon miles. And my shins started hurting. And hurting and hurting. And then my back.

On the day we were supposed to run 16 miles, I made it 4, cried, and quit. I limped to Hubs' work, asked for his car keys, and drove my butt home.

As the days and weeks ensued, my extreme lower back became my enemy. I couldn't sit in my chair at work without tearing up. So I went and got it fixed. I had 8 visits with the chiropractor my mom used, and I have spent the past 8 years in blissful comfort. And birthed three babies, to boot.

But before I got fixed, and was in considerable pain, I realized another side effect of the back issue was a lopsided tush. A stress fracture in my spinal tissue (potentially created in my youth during gymnastics or cheerleading or constant running) reared its ugly head, caused pain, causing my pelvic bone to shift to compensate for the pain, thus throwing my rear out of alignment.

One rump hump was larger than the other. Considerably.

Unfortunately, as I have started running again in my post-breastfeeding EJ days, I have begun to feel those twinges in my back again. And I fear the rump hump. No one wants an uneven ass.

So instead of compromising my tush, I am taking it easy. With sprint workouts. We'll see how that plays out for me and my ass. In the meantime, my regular pain the ass keeps shooting nerf gun darts at me. I must get revenge.

Monday Mumbles

Happy Monday friends. What do you have to mumble about? Or is your week off to a glorious start and no mumbling is necessary? Feel free to leave miniature rainbows and fluffy clouds, too. We don't discriminate.

1. It's a lonely day when your highlight is finding the construction-muddled highway you drive each day has finally opened all lanes. I might have teared up with joy at the end of last week.

2. Girls night last night - loved the mexican food. loved the conversation. loved the girls. as always.

3. Sunday night girls night = rough start to Monday. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

4. Hubs' nephew is in town from Seattle. He's 10. He said at the pool the other day, "Everyone's so nice here." How sad that city kids are shocked by the niceness of people and how we can treat one another when we escape the harshness of the daily grind.

5. EJ has attitude. That's all I have to say about that.

6. I got lazy Sunday and didn't write out my mumbles, and now I have to go to work. Better luck next time!

What You Missed….June

We're nearing the end of this series, at which point we'll be caught up. The highlight for June? Sissie's birthday, of course! Evelyn turned one and we had baby cousins and bigger cousins and friends join us at a wonderful farmstead smack-dab in the middle of the suburbs. We're talking goats, pigs, pony rides, pond fishing, horse-drawn wagon rides, and goats. Did I mention goats?

Rules Established

My friend got me thinking today, but I didn't revisit that conversation until after the kids were in bed.

I realized I wasn't following the rules I'd told her just hours before I had set for myself. At least I wasn't following them tonight. Maybe I pretended I didn't have to because it was Friday?

Or maybe I was just lacking self-control.

We were discussing "screen time" and how she wanted to cut back. As in completely unplug from work email at home, Facebook, blogs, television shows, Tivo. I said there's no need for that! Just implement a few ground rules. Here is what I laid out that I (generally) follow:

1. Only one TV show per season. This doesn't include sporting events, so both are acceptable. But this way you're only obligated to one evening per week, for one to two hours, max. And of course the weekly sports events that air can be family time.

2. No blog writing or reading until the kids are in bed. Period. Comment moderation is acceptable so long as it's under five minutes.

3. Facebook isn't something that keeps me glued to the computer because I fail to see the joy in searching or whatever. And I don't have that many friends on there that I'm bombarded with status updates. The ones with lengthy and constant status updates are probably hidden. BUT...she mentioned the games. She plays the games. Apparently they're addictive. I say - cold turkey.

After my 4-5 month computer hiatus, I felt free. Not that I didn't miss reading your blogs, knowing how your day was going with Facebook, and generally making myself look silly here at the Table, but I wasn't NEEDING to check anything because I couldn't.

Now that my first week back is under my belt, I plan on sticking to these rules and limiting my time. Lucky for me I deleted a few FB friends, hid some others, and you guys aren't blogging that much. I don't want my friend to completely unplug but instead set some guidelines. I'd lose a reader, for goodness sake.

What You Missed….May

My sister’s law school graduation!!

What You Missed…April

I figured we could do a quick catch up for all the months we missed.  The easiest way to do this is with photos. Yup, I’m taking the easy way out.  The highlight from April?  OJ’s birthday of course!!